I want to start by telling you this is a lie. This isn’t a real recipe. It’s from a mix. If you’re looking for a real recipe… maybe try this website instead. Also, as you can see from the shitty photos, this was not executed properly. But! It was a team effort, and they were fucking delicious. In my opinion, when it comes to food, that is all that matters.
Last week I took a break from dating and decided to make these beignets with a few friends. The friend that actually gave me the beignet mix was too fucking cool to make them with us. I’ll give her a break though, since she brought it all the way from New Orleans. She also got me a badass mermaid print, which I have yet to hang on my wall. I’ll just add it to the pile of framed photos on my living room floor. I’ll fucking get to it eventually.
So my dating break came after being disappointed by someone I really liked, as mentioned in previous posts, and after going on several frustrating first dates. I tend to do this thing where I go all in at once when I start a dating app (I’m just learning this, since I’ve only used 2 apps). So what happened was… I went on too many dates in too short of time, and I got really burnt out. One of those dates was with someone I thought I was really going to like. I really thought it was going to work out. That’s why I was desperately trying to connect with him on our date, but couldn’t fucking conjure up a single romantic feeling the entire night. He was the first date that I was most excited about that weekend, but it ended up being a fucking disaster (though, not in his eyes). First of all, it was his fucking birthday, which I thought was really weird. Who goes on a first date on their fucking birthday?! After I had one drink at the bar (to which he responded with, “But, aren’t you going to drive later?” – ugh), we decided to walk the 2 blocks to his place. Okay, I know what you’re thinking… what if he’s a murderer?! Well, I texted my friend his name, photo, and address, which he was aware of, and then I warned him of my surprising strength (even going so far as to show him pictures of me basing 2 people at a time in Acro). I also emphasized to him that we were just going to hang out, and that absolutely nothing sexual was going to happen. Trust me, he was harmless. He served me leftover birthday cake and hot tea. I thought I was going to like him. I really did.
Except I didn’t like him. At all. He certainly liked me a lot though… and, at the end of the night, proceeded to give me the worst kiss of my life.
I know what you’re thinking… I can be very dramatic sometimes.
This is not one of those times.
We were in “warm dead fish” territory. It was fucking terrible. Worst experience ever. What the fuck was he even thinking? The whole experience was embarrassing for everyone involved. I bailed quick, sent him a text in the morning, and never saw him again.
And I learned my lesson… if the chemistry isn’t there within the first hour… MOVE ON. Then make some fucking beignets with your friends. Oh, and watch a little Bob Ross. It fucking kills me when he talks about painting little happy clouds and shit. Also, his clouds are fucking magical.
I have another first date tomorrow and yet another on Sunday. Cross your fingers that they’re not murderers… or disgustingly horrible kissers.
2 cups beignet mix from Cafe du Monde
A handful of flour for rolling
Lots of oil for frying (Canola is a good option)
Nutella (optional… just kidding)
In a large bowl, mix the water and beignet mix together to form dough. Roll out on a floured surface until it’s about 1/8″ thick. Cut into smallish squares (like 2×2), or whatever size/shape you want. Fill a pan with around 1 to 2 inches of oil and heat over medium-high heat. Once it starts forming tiny bubbles on the bottom of the pan, slowly drop in some of the dough pieces. Baste continuously as they fry, flipping them over once they fluff up and brown slightly. Once both sides have fluffed and browned, use a slotted spoon to scoop them out and drain on paper towels. While still hot, sprinkle generously with powdered sugar. Warm up a little Nutella in the microwave, and dip those little fuckers in copious amounts of it. This makes about 2 dozen. If you don’t eat at least 15 immediately, you’re doing it wrong.
These may not look pretty, but nobody gives a fuck. Shovel ’em into your face.
**Side note: I know there is a lot of shit going on in the country right now. For now I’m deciding to keep the blog light. That may change… it may not. Anyway, keep fighting everyone. We’re going to get through this.