Weeknight Veggie Rice Casserole and CATS

April 30, 2019May 7, 2019 Kelsey3 Comments

T and I have been getting settled into the new place. We’re finding our routines and learning how to live with another person. It’s a lot of compromising and communication, which neither of us are used to after living alone for the last few years (more for him). The cats are getting used to it, too. And by “getting used to it,” of course I actually mean that they are causing the loudest fucking ruckus every goddamn morning at 4am. T didn’t believe me that we should wait until 7am to feed them in the morning. He insists that we feed them right when we wake up at 6am. Well, I don’t know about other cats, but MY fucking asshole cats start screaming for food at least an hour and a half before it’s actually time to feed them. And they are happy to teach other cats all their asshole tricks, too. Bourdain usually starts it. He will zip around the apartment, often taking the time to dart across our sleeping bodies several times before knocking the books off the bookshelf in the living room. Then, when we finally get up to wrangle him, he shoots under a chair or behind a box, and starts biting if you reach for him. It’s fun. The only way to catch him is to bring out food, which only reinforces the behavior. So I end up throwing a small handful of dry food into the spare bedroom, and closing the door as he runs in after it. I’ll go back to bed, but now the rest of them are all riled up. Nevertheless, I crawl into bed and cover my head with a pillow, hoping for the best.

THEN. Motherfucking Harriet will start nibbling on the large Ikea plant in the living room. I don’t know why we even purchased the fucking thing. It didn’t work last time, and it’s not going to work this time. We are cat people, not plant people. Despite all of our efforts, Harriet fucking eats the leaves every godforsaken morning. And then she proceeds to barf them up on the one nice rug we have, not the wood floors. EVERY. FUCKING. MORNING. And if that isn’t enough, Cecil will attack her right after the barfing incident (which I have taken to ignoring), which causes screams so loud I have to believe the neighbors think we’re running some sort of weird cat fighting ring at 4:30am everyday. I end up having to put her in the bedroom with Bourdain to both protect the plants and for her own safety (we can’t trust Cecil when he’s hungry). Once she is contained, it gets better. But we still have to deal with Cecil jumping on us. In fact, he’ll often sit next to my head and just stare down at my face until I wake up. It’s creepy as fuck. The only quiet, well behaved one is Chuck. He’s such a good, fluffy boy.

Oh wait, that’s not accurate at all. Once the others stop with their shenanigans, Chuck will start yowling uncontrollably in the living room. We have a loft, so the master bedroom opens into the living room, which means he’s yowling LOUDLY right fucking next to us. It’s fucking horrific.

Oh, and BTW, this all repeats itself at dinnertime, too. It literally just happened while I was writing this. It’s just less annoying at 6pm versus 4am. Ya know?

Last weekend T and I decided to explore the neighborhood by bar hopping. I had my very first grape ape, and still made us a wholesome dinner. These were things I had on hand, so there was no shopping needed. It was quick and easy, and tasted great with an egg on it for breakfast, too.

Weeknight Veggie Rice Casserole

1.5 cups dry brown rice

3 cups vegetable broth

1/2 can (14oz) diced fire roasted tomatoes

1 can (14oz) chickpeas, drained

Zest and juice of one lemon

1 small onion, diced

3/4 cup crumbled feta cheese

1/4 cup chopped parsley

4 cups chopped spinach or Swiss Chard

1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1/4 teaspoon oregano

1 clove garlic, minced

1/4 cup olive oil

Salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large sauce pan, boil water. Once boiling, add in dry brown rice and simmer for 17 minutes. Drain and rinse. Set aside. Saute the greens with a little olive oil in a skillet over medium high heat. Once wilted, set aside. In a large skillet over medium high heat saute onion in olive oil until translucent (5ish minutes). Add in the minced garlic, red pepper flakes, oregano, salt and pepper. Cook for 2-3 minutes before adding in the rice. Mix well and let cook for another 2-3 minutes. Pour in broth, lemon zest and juice, and chickpeas. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Stir everything together well. Add in half of the feta and the cooked greens. Pour entire mixture into a large baking dish (9 x 13). Sprinkle with remaining feta and parsley. Bake for 20-25 minutes, then broil for 5 minutes.

Clockwise from the top: Chuck (obviously), Bourdain, Harriet, Cecil

Basics · healthy · Rice · travel · vacation · vegetarian · Yummy

How to Make Brown Rice + Costa Rican Adventures

February 27, 2019February 27, 2019 Kelsey2 Comments

Okay, so here’s the thing. I flew in from Costa Rica this morning at 1am. It was 2 flights, a 4 hour layover, a confused and lost Lyft driver, and a 90 degree temperature difference. By the time I corrected my Lyft driver, picked up my car, made a tampon run, dropped off my bag, showered, and collapsed into bed at T’s, it was 3am. So forgive me for not having pictures of this week’s recipe. It’s really because I wasn’t planning on posting about rice this week. I was originally going to do spinach dip, but that will have to wait. Who the fuck cares about spinach dip when I’ve spent the last week eating the most delicious Costa Rican food? So I thought I’d help everyone out with the constant fucking struggle that is rice. The photos can inspire ways to serve your rice, but I will have no photos of the process, or even of rice I’ve cooked myself. I think you’ll all live.

My friend, Liz, and I went to Costa Rica together for a week. I always forget that she doesn’t like swimming, especially in the ocean, which is literally my favorite thing. So imagine my surprise when she leaps at the chance to jump off the roof of our catamaran tour boat. The guides gave us 15 minutes of swim time before bringing us all to the shore of a secluded white sand beach (I know, right?!). I didn’t honestly think she’d want to swim at all, much less dive in from the roof. She doesn’t even like heights! As much as I love swimming and the ocean, I wasn’t even 100% sure I wanted to jump from the roof. I thought I’d climb down the ladder like a fucking wuss, dipping one chubby leg in at a time. But I can’t be the one to discourage her wave of bravery. Who am I to rain on her fucking parade? We were doing this. As we climbed to the roof of the rocking boat, I immediately tripped on the rope that had literally just been pointed out to me. Off to a good start. Just great. We made our way to the edge of the roof, got some reassurance from those that jumped before us, held hands, and leaped into the dark green water below. I landed ass first, obviously. I must have panicked mid-air, and decided to put my largest bit first. Makes sense, I guess.

Snacks from our catamaran tour

We also spent our time eating gallo pinto and casados con pollo. Gallo pinto is a traditional breakfast dish made up of rice and beans mixed together with some spices and hot sauce (and cilantro, which is NOT food). We had ours with eggs and a side of fruit every morning. Luckily, I was never able to taste the cilantro in the gallo pinto.

Gallo pinto with eggs

The “weird” casados with an egg, ranch dressing, tortillas, AND mashed potatoes?

A more traditional casados

Casados is a traditional plate of food, usually consisting of rice, beans, salad with “ugly lemon” squeezed over the top, fried plantains, and your choice of meat or fish. I took off my vegetarian label to experience the local cuisine, and opted to try pork once and fish many times. Each restaurant had a different form of casados, some of them even adding an egg on top (Liz was baffled). Within 3 days, I realized that I had made the grave mistake of not properly preparing my body for a sudden influx of beans. That, combined with a serious lack of water intake, caused bloating like I’d never experienced. All night long my stomach was making the saddest sounding whale noises, while my lower abdomen stuck out far enough to be a mid-term pregnancy. You’re welcome for that visual (and audio).

Casados con chicharrones (fatty pork bits)

Brown Rice

1 cup dry, long grain brown rice

6(+/-) cups water, divided

1 teaspoon salt

Olive oil

In a medium sauce pan, bring 3-4 cups water to a boil. Add in the rice and let boil for 17 minutes. Drain and rinse well. Drizzle ~2 tablespoons of oil into a large, deep skillet over medium-high heat until the oil is relatively hot and has thoroughly coated the pan. Add in the rice and keep stirring as it sizzles. Allow it to fry slightly for 2-3 minutes as you continue to stir. Add in 3 cups of water and the salt. Stir everything well, making sure none of the rice is sticking to the bottom. Lower to a simmer and cover. Let simmer for 25 minutes. Make sure to stay close, though. You will likely need to add in some more water (probably about 1/2 cup). DO NOT STIR ONCE THE SIMMERING HAS STARTED. If you do, you’ll fuck it up. Don’t be a fuck up. Also, if you abandon your rice and start to smell it burning from another room – it’s too fucking late. That shit will be all fucked up. Trust me, I know. I’ve fucked up many a batches of rice.

Serve it with SO many things – tacos, burritos, meat/fish, eggs, roasted veggies.

Here are some of the critters we saw:

Asian food · avocado · Dating · dinner · easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · quick · Rice · Sauces · snacks · vegan · Vegetables · vegetarian · veggies · Yummy

Vietnamese Summer Rolls and New Pants!

February 21, 2018February 21, 2018 Kelsey1 Comment

I did it… I retired my private pants. It would have been a sad day, except I now have 2 pairs of the GREATEST PANTS ON EARTH. My boyfriend (that’s right, I said it) refers to them as my “Aladdin pants,” due to their majestic flowy-ness (He was actually mocking me, but I’m sure it was done with love). I had plans with him the other day, and he texted ahead of time asking if we could just stay in. I was like, “Fuck yeah. I was planning on wearing my fancy sweatpants anyway.” Since my new fancy sweatpants have huge slits up the outside of each leg, I couldn’t actually wear them to his place (it’s too cold for that nonsensical bullshit). That means I showed up in leggings and literally took my pants off in his entryway to put on my new, sexy sweatpants. Yes, sweatpants can totally be sexy (he would disagree, but we’re not asking him). He did agree on their functionality, stating that they are essentially the pants version of “sticking a leg out from under the blanket when sleeping.”

I bought a second pair to keep at his place, so I can stop stripping in his entryway. I’m sure he’s disappointed.

I also wore these to the AcroYoga retreat last weekend. I brought an entire bag of clothes – probably 3 full outfits. But I only wore these fucking amazing pants, and the outfit I drove in (both there and back). I mean, honestly, why put on something that will make me less happy?

Speaking of acro, my lovely acro friend, Jamie, taught me how to make these rolls. The recipe called for cilantro, but she is a kind soul that would never even think of having such a monstrous thing near me. They are oddly filling, so make sure you’re hungry. Also, we ate them with mushroom and tofu miso soup, which was a nice appetizer with it. They’re crazy simple, and really refreshing in the middle of winter. They’d also be nice in the summer when you don’t want to turn the stove or oven on.

Vietnamese Summer Rolls

Rice paper

Rice noodles (cooked according to package instructions)

Big leaves of lettuce (I used Romaine, but they were a little too huge)

Avocado, sliced (critical to add because otherwise everything just tastes like crunchy water – you need fat!!)

Carrots/Cucumber/Bell pepper, sliced thinly

Bean sprouts (I forgot, which made me sad)

Siracha

Peanut butter and Hoisin (equal parts, mixed together, for the sauce)

YOU WILL NEED WAX PAPER FOR THIS RECIPE

For the rice paper: Use a large saute pan filled with warm water (NOT HOT) to soak the rice paper. You’ll do this one at a time, and they only need to be soaked for maybe one full minute at most (I kept feeling mine, and pulled it out once it was soft-ish).* Once the rice paper is soft and foldable, pull it out of the water and spread it out on wax paper. You can lay out a few before starting to fill them, but don’t let them sit too long (they get sticky).

For the filling: Start by placing one large lettuce leaf in the center of each rice paper. From there, layer avocado and veggies of choice. Top with a small handful of rice noodles and a heavy squirt of Siracha.

To roll: Fold the top and bottom of the rice paper over the filling. Then choose a side to start at – pull that side of the rice paper all the way across the filling and tuck it under the lettuce leaf. Continue to roll in that direction. The rice paper will stick to itself. It takes a few tries to get it right, but the janky ones are delicious, too, so don’t stress about it.

For the sauce: Mix equal parts peanut butter and hoisin sauce together. I ended up adding a tiny bit of warm water as well, because the sauce was super thick. The sauce adds a much needed fat as well, so definitely don’t skip it.

Serve with the sauce on the side. Race your friend to see how many each of you can eat (it’ll be shockingly few). Make more sauce and eat it on everything.

*There is definitely an inappropriate joke to be made here.

Curry · Dating · dinner · easy · gluten free · healthy · Indian food · quick · Rice · Sauces · vegan · Vegetables · vegetarian

Vegan Chickpea Curry

September 28, 2017 KelseyLeave a comment

I’m doing this new thing where I actually have some kind of schedule with posting blogs. You know, like a responsible adult that actually wants regular readers. But, fuck… having a deadline is exhausting. I thought I’d start posting every Sunday… then last Sunday passed without a post. I got one done by Tuesday, so then I was like, “Great! I’ll just post every Tuesday.” But now, here I am… Tuesday night. No post yet. I’m working on it, but I really just want to watch The L Word and go to bed early. I was going to do it earlier today, but then I got tired after therapy and decided to take myself to a movie (it had to be done).

I made this recipe a few days ago, and can still smell curry when I walk into my apartment. The smell reminds me of this guy I dated last winter who claimed to have a housekeeper. He even made up this elaborate lie about having her over for Thanksgiving so she wouldn’t be alone (I know this was a lie because I actually hung out with him on Thanksgiving and he said he hadn’t done anything earlier in the day). He told the lie a few weeks prior. I suppose I could give him the benefit of the doubt, right? Maybe plans had changed for some reason. Or maybe he’s a goddamn liar that was trying to seem like a really sweet, thoughtful guy. Anyway, the first (and only) time I walked into his apartment, I was hit with the smell of curry. Seems to me like an apartment that is professionally cleaned regularly might smell of cleaning products (and not look like a dirty bachelor pad). Honestly, I didn’t mind the smell. Curry smells delicious. The issue I had was the filthy kitchen that was just packed with shit. I mean, why does one dude need all those gadgets? And why is absolutely NOTHING clean? Where has this housekeeper been? Oh yeah, she doesn’t fucking exist and you’re a goddamn liar. I mean, honestly, if you’re going to lie about something like that you should at least see it all the way through and clean your apartment. BE CONVINCING AND CONSISTENT.

We didn’t see each other again after that because I just wasn’t that interested. He insisted upon texting me once every month or two afterwards, though, just to see if I’d changed my mind(I didn’t). I had deleted his number, but always knew it was him anyway by the fucking ridiculous string of emojis that accompanied every. single. fucking. text. I would still play the game of, “I’m sorry… who is this,” which always pissed him off (and made me laugh). If I tell you to delete my number, just fucking do it. I don’t say something like that lightly. It means you fucked up beyond repair and we both need to move on. Plus, we only went out a few times and I just wasn’t that invested. If I’m on the fence about it anyway AND you’re being a dick… it’s not gonna happen.

I would like it noted that I didn’t stop seeing him because of his dirty kitchen. I’m not that shallow. I stopped seeing him because he was ambivalent about seeing me and would often forget to respond to my texts. I felt like a back-up plan, and that’s just not good enough for me. At 32, I now know I deserve more than that.

I’m finally putting the final touches on this post today (Thursday), though it was mostly written on Tuesday with the intention of posting that day! Fuck. Next week, maybe. I’ll get my shit together one of these day and post on a regular basis. Gotta keep my 20 or so readers happy! Also, I have to keep creating content for Humberto’s English class to read in Brazil. My blog is literally teaching people English. What is your’s doing?

Though, to be honest, this blog is really not appropriate for young teenagers. Am I right? I mean, I guess it’s no worse than me watching Pretty Woman at 5 years old, or obsessing over Boyz II Men’s “I’ll Make Love To You” at the tender age of nine. This is definitely more appropriate than that. Why was no one concerned about that?

Vegan Chickpea Curry

2 medium onions, diced

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 lemon, juiced

2 tablespoons curry paste

1 can coconut milk (full fat, unsweetened)

1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed

1 large handful of Swiss chard, chopped

1-2 tablespoons soy sauce

1 handful cherry tomatoes, chopped

1 handful basil, chopped

1 teaspoon maple syrup

Cooked rice of choice

Cook the onions with the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Saute for about 5 minutes, until onions are translucent. Add the garlic and cook for another minute. Add in the curry paste, coconut milk, and a pinch of salt. Stir well, letting the curry paste dissolve. Then add in the chickpeas, Swiss chard, and soy sauce. Let it simmer for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. It’ll thicken a little bit. Throw in the tomatoes, basil, maple syrup, and lemon juice. Taste that shit. Add more shit if needed. Serve with rice and some fucking delicious naan bread.

If someone tells you to delete their number, just fucking do it. Don’t be a dick.

comfort food · Crock pot · easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · mushrooms · Rice · soup · vegan · vegetarian

Vegan Mushroom and Wild Rice Soup

February 15, 2017February 15, 2017 Kelsey1 Comment

While I was in Florida, I was also participating in a yoga challenge on Instagram. If you’re not familiar with this, look it up. Seriously. I’m not Google. It was mostly a disaster.

We spent my first night in there watching the sunset on the beach. My mom is a badass, so we sneaked in some mini bottles of wine, too. Then we (I) did some drunk yoga on the beach for the sake of my very first yoga challenge. Being the overachiever that I am (I’m not), I opted to accept an arm balance yoga challenge, despite the fact that I am not physically capable of most (all) arm balances yet. Side crow was so pathetic that I didn’t even post it. It was just me leaning against my elbows in the sand. It didn’t even look like I was trying to do anything. Ughhhh. My side crow is an embarrassment to yogis everywhere.

In addition to not being able to do most of the poses, I was also having a hard time with body image that week. Normally I do okay with that, but lately it has been a struggle. I mean, I’m only human after all. Normally I would spend the time getting the right angle of the photo, so I look my “best.” However, this time my mom was taking the photos, and I felt bad making her retake them. I also had to have a certain pose each day, which meant that I had to post it even if I didn’t love the way I looked in it. So, basically, I posted a handful of photos where I genuinely feel like I don’t look attractive. Logical me knows this doesn’t matter at all. AT ALL. But emotional me feels all vulnerable and shit. Again, I recognize that it doesn’t fucking matter. I’m just a human, and I’m allowed to look human. But, fuck, body positivity is hard. Sometimes I think I’m there, and then some other insecurity pops up. What an asshole.

Moral of the story… be gentle with yourself. I actually got a lot of positive feedback from people about my photos. They were inspired by the “realness” of it. That’s awesome, and really makes me happy. When I was first starting yoga, seeing real humans do hard poses on Instagram actually helped me a lot. It reminded me that there is no perfect body for yoga, and that if they could do it, so could I. If anyone is interested in following my yoga Instagram account, you can find me @kaeyogi.

This recipe came about from an amazing friend. That same friend also gifted me with a crock pot! That’s right… this is my first crock pot recipe! I’m sure it could be made on the stove as well, but it would take a fucking long time.

Vegan Mushroom and Wild Rice Soup

4 cups vegetable stock

2 cups water

1 cup chopped onion

2 – 14 oz cans coconut milk

2/3 cup uncooked wild rice

1/2 cup uncooked brown rice

1 cup diced carrots

3-4 stalks celery, chopped

4-6 cups mushrooms (I used button and crimini)

1/4 cup cornstarch

1/4 cup cold water

Salt and pepper (a shit ton)

With the exception of the cornstarch and cold water, throw everything in the crock pot (making sure to shake the coconut milk before opening). Make sure it doesn’t overflow (mine got close!) as you stir all the ingredients together. Add some salt and pepper. Cook on low for 4 hours (I left mine for 6 though, and it was fine). I was afraid my apartment would start on fire while I was at work, but that didn’t happen. After the 4 (or 6) hours, combine the cornstarch and cold water in a small bowl, whisking together. Add the cornstarch mixture to the soup and cook with the lid off for 10 minutes (increasing the heat to high). Stir occasionally. Add more salt and pepper at the end, and serve with some crusty bread (duh). You can’t fuck this up. If you do, you should question your intelligence.

It was at this point that I panicked about storing all the soup, and I ended up just putting the whole crock pot in the fridge. Seems like a good idea, but makes it hard for scooping out leftovers later. I had to squat in front of the open fridge and scoop from the crock pot thats now living on its bottom shelf. Super annoying.

I serve mine with buttered bread because I’m not vegan. I also like to eat it in bed while watching My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on Netflix. You do you, though.

Also, it’s Valentine’s Day. Go grab yourself one of these mini cakes, and eat that in bed, too. Or do what I did and share it with an awesome friend. Fuck the patriarchy.

breakfast · brunch · easy · eggs · healthy · mushrooms · quick · Rice · Stir-fry · vegetarian

Breakfast Stir-Fry

February 10, 2017February 10, 2017 KelseyLeave a comment

I spent last weekend in Florida visiting my snowbird mother in Naples. She’s been trying to fly me down there every 6-12 months for the last three years. I don’t know what prevented me from saying yes for so long. I guess Florida just isn’t really my thing. Which doesn’t make any sense considering how much I love the ocean. I mean, I’m constantly talking about being a mermaid with Hannah. That’s normal, right? And I always have fun when I visit my one and only friend down there. I don’t honestly know what is wrong with me. I should take my mom up on free trips to Florida more often.

On Sunday night my mom took me to her singles dance night (for seniors) at the Elk Club. My original plan was to drink my face off, but I didn’t realize I would be so hungover from drinking wine with my mom and her girlfriends the night before (we were out of hand and it was fantastic). So I had a total of two Shirley Temples, which included eight cherries, and parked myself at a table with a good view of the dance floor. I watched my mom dance with a variety of older gentlemen that had some serious moves. There was one guy in a pair of khakis and a white button down shirt, which had one too many buttons undone. He was twirling his dance partners all over the place, which made him a very popular choice among the ladies.

After the first hour or so I was getting a bit bored. While texting with a friend of mine back home, she convinced me to redownload Tinder just to see what Florida had to offer. I was reluctant, but I did it…. and I set my age range to 25-55+ (thinking the older crowd would be more entertaining, because apparently I’m a huge asshole). The most entertaining profiles were actually of younger people. Some of it was really redneck, but most of it wasn’t all that different from the people I would find in Minneapolis. However, I ended up not really needing the extra entertainment, because I was about to be twirled around the dance floor by a lovely elderly gentleman. My mom forced me to join the “mixer,” which is when the women form a circle in the middle of the dance floor and the men form a circle around them. Then the DJ plays fast music as the men and women walk in opposite directions (it’s very heteronormative). When the music slows, you grab the first man you see and slow dance for 30ish seconds. I started each and every dance with loudly announcing, “I don’t know how to dance!” Everyone was lovely, except for one creepy old man in a peach colored polo (which just seems so Florida, doesn’t it?), who insisted upon pressing his entire body against mine and even pulling my hand to his chest. Gag. Barf. He had an accent of some sort, which you could tell made him think he was a lot more irresistible than was accurate. Anyway, fuck that guy – let’s talk about Lenny. He was the fucking sweetest old man I’ve ever met in my life, and I desperately wanted him to be my dad (grandpa?). He spent a good 4-5 songs trying to teach me how to dance (I fucking hate dancing, and become painfully aware of how awkward I look doing it). He taught me a swing step and then the waltz. And he talked about this funny cat commercial he saw recently, which fucking killed me. Through the entire dance lesson, he kept counting out loud for me so that I wouldn’t lose my step. Then, when I (inevitably) tripped over my own feet and forgot where we were, he would stop, wait a beat, and start again. My heart full on exploded. Fuck.

Lenny. I’ll never forget you.

Breakfast in Florida consisted of eggs and toast every day. This is my standard Mom breakfast. It’s what she always does, and she doesn’t add veggies/avocado/rice/beans/etc. No big deal. We all like what we like, right? But I was pretty excited to cook something a little different for breakfast once I got home. So I made this breakfast stir-fry! Also, sometimes I get distracted and forget to eat all the rice in the fridge. When this happens, I make breakfast stir-fry a day or two before the rice is really going to go bad. It’s super easy, super healthy, and fucking delicious.

Breakfast Stir-Fry

2-3 button mushrooms

A few tablespoons of chopped onion

A few tablespoons of chopped bell pepper

A small handful of spinach (or any green)

1 egg

1 scoop of brown rice, cooked

Hot sauce

Salt and pepper

Olive oil or non-stick spray

In a medium skillet with olive oil or non-stick spray, saute the mushrooms, peppers, and onions over medium-high heat. Stir them once or twice and cook until they’re lightly browned. Add a little salt and pepper, along with the greens and a scoop of rice to the skillet. Reduce heat to medium-low and stir well. In another skillet, heat olive oil (or spray) over medium heat and cook your egg however you’d like (I prefer over-easy, because, let’s be real, eggs are the only food that come with their own sauce. Why would you not use that to your advantage?). Try not to break the yolk like I did. Once the rice is warm and the veggies are cooked, throw it all into a bowl. Top with your fried egg and a bunch of hot sauce. Like, a shit ton of hot sauce. Then stab the egg so the yolk gets everywhere. You’re welcome.

And maybe let’s all stop giving Florida such a hard time.

Except I burned my scalp there, so Florida can fuck off.

comfort food · dinner · easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · quick · Rice · Tacos · vegan · vegetarian

Veggie Tacos and Drunken Tinder-ing

January 16, 2017January 16, 2017 Kelsey1 Comment

It happened. I caught the feelings. And my soul was crushed.

Again, I can be very dramatic. But that doesn’t make my feelings any less valid.

Went to Hannah’s house last night to drown my sorrows in wine and snuggle on the couch. Her husband made us pizza and we watched Netflix (and Sherlock! OMG!) while I drunkenly looked for validation by feverishly swiping on Tinder (Spoiler: I didn’t find it).

Life advice from me to you: Do NOT use dating apps while drunk. It never ends well. Just don’t fucking do it.

Also: Tinder will never validate you.

I woke up this morning with a list of the most disappointing matches I’ve ever seen. And it just continued throughout the day as people continued to swipe right on me, reminding me of my drunken mistake(s). I’ve never done so much unmatching in my life. Not only that, but I gave out my phone number to a handful of people, and woke up to texts from them. I couldn’t remember who was who, and ended up just telling them all to delete my number. I vaguely remember interacting with them the night before as I looked over some of the texts. One of them was convinced I was some kind of spam bot, and told me to send him a selfie. I told him to stop being weird. At least I was in my right mind enough to not start sending drunken photos. Could’ve been worse (I mean, I could’ve gotten a bunch of dick pics or something- barf). I was also really fucking snarky with these guys. I’m so sick of messaging someone on Tinder, and getting no questions about me. They go on and on about themselves (which is good – I want to know about them!), but then they don’t ask me any follow up questions. Or the questions they ask are really lame… like, “What are you looking for on Tinder?” Okay, that’s an acceptable question, but also ask me something about myself! Fuck. Do you not want to know anything about me? Does that not fucking matter? OMG, also, not one fucking guy I’ve gone out with has asked to read my blog. NOT ONE. And almost none of them ask me about Acro, even though it’s mentioned in my profile, and I have photos. So last night I flat out said to one of them, “Interact with me! Ask me questions!” You know what he asked me?

“What are you looking for on Tinder?”

Fuuuuuuck.

What the fuck do you think I’m looking for?! Human connection, mostly. Preferably of the romantic variety, though that’s not required. Duh. Isn’t that what everyone is looking for to some extent?!

I can’t fucking stand this shit. I need a break. It is mentally exhausting to continually put myself out there. I can’t do it anymore. No dates this week. Just me, my amazing friends, and all the fucking yoga.

I have the best friends in the entire world. Seriously. How did I get so lucky to be constantly surrounded by such empathetic and insightful women? Fuck. I love you guys so much.

Thank you, Hannah, for taking care of me last night, for letting me be unapologetically myself (aka: a mess), and for doing drunken Acro with me. I’m sorry about your knee. I owe you some fucking veggie tacos for sure. Or a taco cake! Next week. I promise. ❤

Veggie tacos are a go-to meal in my house. Mostly because they’re so fucking easy, and I almost always have rice and/or beans in the fridge to go with ’em.

Veggie Tacos

1 onion, sliced

1 bell pepper, sliced

Corn tortillas

Olive oil

Taco seasonings (chili powder, cayenne, garlic, onion powder, cumin, red pepper flakes)

Salsa

Sour cream

Optional: thinly sliced radishes tossed with lemon juice and salt, lettuce, cheese, avocado, whatever the fuck else you want to top your taco with

Serve with rice and/or beans

Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Throw in the onion and pepper slices and generously sprinkle with the various taco seasonings (don’t over think it – just throw a few shakes of each seasoning in there!). Stir the veggies, making sure to coat everything in olive oil and seasoning. Let cook for a few minutes, stirring occasionally, until the onions are translucent and peppers have softened. Take however many tortillas you want, and char them over an open flame (or microwave them if you’re lame) on the stove top. This can also be done with an electric stove, but it takes longer and isn’t as fun. For directions on how to char the tortillas, check out the Taco Cake post. Fill your tortillas with a scoop of veggies, maybe some rice and beans, and any topping you want (I like salsa, sour cream, and radishes). Shovel that shit right into your mouth, along with 7 glasses of wine. Or beer. Whatthefuckever. But, whatever you do, do NOT drink and Tinder.