Asian food · broccoli · comfort food · corn · dinner · easy · healthy · lunch · mushrooms · pasta · Ramen · vegan · Vegetables · vegetarian · veggies · Yummy

“Homemade” Vegetarian Ramen

It can be difficult to find good ramen as a vegetarian. I’m lucky to live in an urban area with access to various ramen restaurants, but 90% of what is offered is meat based. Then again, 90% of all restaurant foods are meat based. The struggle is fucking real.


Fry those little fuckers on every single side. Trust me, it’s worth the wait.

When Cortney came to visit last summer, I decided to take her to United Noodles, which is an Asian market in Minneapolis. It’s the one that T first took me to back when we were still figuring out if we were dating or not (check it out here). At the time I was completely fascinated by all the products, and ended up focusing hard on the sweets. Mochi is one of my favorite foods, but it can be hard to come by in the Midwest. This place housed a plethora of mochi options. None of which were as good as the fresh shit in Hawaii, but I digress. Despite not serving fresh mochi, it’s the best Asian market in the cities as far as I know. Since Cortney is Hawaiian, I knew it would be of interest to her. We ended up deciding to make ramen at home, which I didn’t think was possible. She had a plan, and showed me exactly what we’d need. Without her, this recipe wouldn’t exist. She knew the good miso paste to purchase, and which noodles were best (I didn’t take a pic of those – sorry!), as well as how to add the “right” toppings. Of course, we also loaded up on all the bomb-ass Asian snacks (Ube mochi to be specific, as well as Pocky sticks, and various cookies). It was a goddamn feast when we got home!


Last week T got a hankering for ramen, so we made the trip back to United Noodles. I picked up all the ingredients to make some veggie ramen at home (even opting to omit the tofu to speed up the process – that shit can be time consuming), all while he was loading up on the prepackaged dried shit. When he said he wanted ramen, he meant instant. It still blows my mind how frequently he’s counting those as a meal without adding a single vegetable. Is anything really a meal when a vegetable isn’t included? Oh wait, this is America. Sigh. Nevermind.


This is the good stuff. If you can find this, use it. If not, don’t panic. It’s just soup. Calm the fuck down. Any miso paste should be fine. 

If you want to simplify things, you can always leave out the tofu. If you eat meat, you can always add in meat. It’s not that fucking difficult. This is a sort of “figure it out as you go and don’t be a dumbass” type of recipe. It’s not specific amounts meticulously measured out, but rather a lot of throwing in things that you think will taste good. If it’s something you enjoy in other things, add it here. Some people think it’s weird that I like to add corn. To those people I simple say, “Fuck off, and make your own ramen.”

“Homemade” Vegetarian Ramen

4 oz extra firm tofu

4-6 tablespoons miso paste (to taste)

4 cups water

Salt and pepper

16oz Noodles (dried or fresh are fine – can easily be found in any Asian market, or the Asian foods section of larger grocery stores), follow cooking directions on packaging


Any or all of the following optional toppings: boiled egg, green onions, enoki mushrooms (see photo to right), bok choy, seaweed, frozen corn, bamboo shoots, any dark leafy greens, broccoli, chili oil, sriracha, etc (the sky is the limit – go nuts)

Bring water to a boil and add in miso paste. Stir and simmer until fully dissolved into water. Taste to see if you need a little more (I like mine a bit stronger). Simmer for a few minutes.

For the tofu: Place between 2 layers of paper towels and place a heavy plate/pan/book on top. Wait about 20 minutes to allow the weight of the plate to squeeze out the excess water. Cut into 1-2″ cubes. In a hot skillet (over medium to medium-high heat), drizzle enough oil to cover the surface (I like to use olive oil with a splash of sesame oil for flavor) , and evenly distribute the cubed tofu. Sprinkle with a little salt and pepper. Fry for a few minutes on each size, trying not to move things around too much. It can get smokey depending on the type of oil you use, so be aware of that and lower the heat if needed. After a few minutes, those little fuckers should be browned on one side. That’s when you flip ’em all over. I like to brown all sides of the cube, but that’s up to you. I just love ’em extra crispy.

Place a handful of cooked noodles into a large bowl. Ladle over some of the miso broth and top with tofu and veggies of choice. Drizzle with any hot sauce or chili oil you like, and dig in!

Now that wasn’t so hard, was it? Anyone else have a go-to recipe that is a lot easier than it looks? Comment below!

Did you make this recipe? Post a photo and tag @kelseyskitchen23 on Instagram!

Asian food · avocado · Dating · dinner · easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · quick · Rice · Sauces · snacks · vegan · Vegetables · vegetarian · veggies · Yummy

Vietnamese Summer Rolls and New Pants!

I did it… I retired my private pants. It would have been a sad day, except I now have 2 pairs of the GREATEST PANTS ON EARTH. My boyfriend (that’s right, I said it) refers to them as my “Aladdin pants,” due to their majestic flowy-ness (He was actually mocking me, but I’m sure it was done with love). I had plans with him the other day, and he texted ahead of time asking if we could just stay in. I was like, “Fuck yeah.  I was planning on wearing my fancy sweatpants anyway.” Since my new fancy sweatpants have huge slits up the outside of each leg, I couldn’t actually wear them to his place (it’s too cold for that nonsensical bullshit). That means I showed up in leggings and literally took my pants off in his entryway to put on my new, sexy sweatpants. Yes, sweatpants can totally be sexy (he would disagree, but we’re not asking him). He did agree on their functionality, stating that they are essentially the pants version of “sticking a leg out from under the blanket when sleeping.”

I bought a second pair to keep at his place, so I can stop stripping in his entryway. I’m sure he’s disappointed.

I also wore these to the AcroYoga retreat last weekend. I brought an entire bag of clothes – probably 3 full outfits. But I only wore these fucking amazing pants, and the outfit I drove in (both there and back). I mean, honestly, why put on something that will make me less happy?

Speaking of acro, my lovely acro friend, Jamie, taught me how to make these rolls. The recipe called for cilantro, but she is a kind soul that would never even think of having such a monstrous thing near me. They are oddly filling, so make sure you’re hungry. Also, we ate them with mushroom and tofu miso soup, which was a nice appetizer with it. They’re crazy simple, and really refreshing in the middle of winter. They’d also be nice in the summer when you don’t want to turn the stove or oven on.


Vietnamese Summer Rolls

Rice paper

Rice noodles (cooked according to package instructions)

Big leaves of lettuce (I used Romaine, but they were a little too huge)

Avocado, sliced (critical to add because otherwise everything just tastes like crunchy water – you need fat!!)

Carrots/Cucumber/Bell pepper, sliced thinly

Bean sprouts (I forgot, which made me sad)


Peanut butter and Hoisin (equal parts, mixed together, for the sauce)


For the rice paper: Use a large saute pan filled with warm water (NOT HOT) to soak the rice paper. You’ll do this one at a time, and they only need to be soaked for maybe one full minute at most (I kept feeling mine, and pulled it out once it was soft-ish).* Once the rice paper is soft and foldable, pull it out of the water and spread it out on wax paper. You can lay out a few before starting to fill them, but don’t let them sit too long (they get sticky).

For the filling: Start by placing one large lettuce leaf in the center of each rice paper. From there, layer avocado and veggies of choice. Top with a small handful of rice noodles and a heavy squirt of Siracha.

To roll: Fold the top and bottom of the rice paper over the filling. Then choose a side to start at – pull that side of the rice paper all the way across the filling and tuck it under the lettuce leaf. Continue to roll in that direction. The rice paper will stick to itself. It takes a few tries to get it right, but the janky ones are delicious, too, so don’t stress about it.

For the sauce: Mix equal parts peanut butter and hoisin sauce together. I ended up adding a tiny bit of warm water as well, because the sauce was super thick. The sauce adds a much needed fat as well, so definitely don’t skip it.

Serve with the sauce on the side. Race your friend to see how many each of you can eat (it’ll be shockingly few). Make more sauce and eat it on everything.

*There is definitely an inappropriate joke to be made here.

Beans · comfort food · Crock pot · dinner · easy · healthy · lunch · mushrooms · potatoes · soup · vegetarian

Potato and Corn Chowder

Shit. I have been busy as fuck lately. I have only been to one yoga class all week. WHO AM I?


I consistently find myself overextended. On top of my full-time job and teaching, I also do cat sitting (yes, that is a thing). For some reason, my clients often go out of town all at the same time. They don’t know each other, so I have no idea how this always fucking happens(they probably all get together and decide, “Hey, let’s fuck up Kelsey’s week… she’s had it too good lately, anyway”). Because of this, I ended up having almost no time to myself last week. As I mentioned before, I only made it to one yoga class, and skipped Acro altogether. This made me a cranky bitch at work, so who am I really helping by saying yes to everything? Fucking no one. So I’m practicing saying no. I have absolutely no more energy to give. It’s mine, and I need this time to recharge. That means saying no when my boss at the studio asks me to sub a class, and then not feeling guilty if I end up attending said class. It’s not that I don’t have the time… it’s that I don’t have the mental energy. And that’s exactly what teaching is… exchanging energy. I’m learning how to hold on to the energy I do have, and only give it when I truly want to/have enough. I currently need time to replenish. Anyone have any tips for learning how to say no and prioritize? I feel like I’m constantly reminding myself that it’s okay to say no, but I often end up feeling guilty.

Side note: It’s hot as fuck outside right now. All I want to do is lay in bed, watch Jane the Virgin, eat ice cream, and blast the A/C.

Don’t judge me.

Speaking of the A/C…. I finally got my window unit set up and ready to go (thanks, Stacy!). I’ve been blasting the air all weekend, even when it wasn’t that hot. I’m not sorry. It feels like fucking magic to be able to sleep in a blanket burrito again.

2017-05-28 19.59.06

The beautiful thing about crock pot recipes is that they’re perfect for my schedule, and they don’t heat up my apartment when it’s hot as fuck outside. I am constantly on the go, and having a crock pot makes it possible for me to eat home cooked meals instead of picking up take-out(though, let’s be real… I do that anyway). I literally threw all of these ingredients into the crock pot over my lunch break one day. It took maybe 15 minutes (only because I had to chop the veggies) and I had dinner ready when I got home later.

Fuck yeah. I’m adulting so hard over here.


Potato and Corn Chowder

4 russet potatoes, peeled and diced

1 (10 oz) bag of frozen corn

1 carrot, peeled and sliced

1/4 onion, diced

2 stalks celery, diced

1 handful mushrooms, chopped

1 can chickpeas

3 tablespoons flour

6 cups veggie stock

1 teaspoon dried thyme

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

Salt and pepper to taste

2 tablespoons butter

1/4 cup heavy cream

Throw the veggies in a slow cooker and toss with the flour until they’re all coated. Add the chickpeas. Pour in the veggie stock and add the seasonings. Set the slow cooker to high and leave it for 3-4 hours. Once it’s finished, scoop out a few cups and throw it in a blender. Pour it back in with the rest of the soup. Add the butter and cream and stir well. Top with chopped green onion if you want, along with some bread and butter.

Give yourself a fucking break and learn how to say no.

breakfast · brunch · comfort food · Dating · dinner · easy · eggs · gluten free · healthy · lunch · mushrooms · quick · snacks · vegetarian

Mushroom Egg Wrap

I’ve been living on avocado toast and these egg wraps lately. I don’t have the time or energy to cook more than eggs because I’m constantly on the go, due in large part to online dating. Sometimes going on lots of first dates can be fun. At the very least, it leads to a good story. Except sometimes it’s not fun, and there’s not much of a story. When that happens, I’m just left feeling drained. It takes a lot of energy to go on a first date, and I’m running on fumes.

Last weekend I went on 3 dates, 2 of which were on Sunday. That was 4.5 hours taken from my Sunday… time spent with people I have no desire to ever see again. And I had to listen to them talk… and talk… and talk. Because dudes apparently don’t know how to ask a fucking question. Or if they do, it somehow always comes back to them anyway. I cannot fathom continuing at this rate of emotional labor. I’m retreating into myself and trying to figure out how I really want to be spending my time.

The problem is that I keep getting all these messages… and when I think I should ignore one, I can’t help but think, “But what if that one is my person? What if that person is the right one?” And then I rearrange my whole life to go on one mediocre date. Not only am I then drained of all my energy, but I’m also robbing myself of my own personal time and a good night’s sleep. I was talking to my therapist about this, and she said that it’s like borrowing time from myself, hoping that it’ll pay off later with whatever person I’m dating. Except it’s not paying off. I can’t seem to make it past a 3rd date with anyone. That fucking sucks, too, because by the time the 3rd date rolls around I’m usually genuinely excited about that person. I mean, couldn’t they bail sooner? I always bail after the 1st date if I’m not interested. Do you really need 3 dates with me to know you’re not interested? I’m pretty up front about who I am… you should know if it’s worth pursuing after the 1st date.

I went on a total of 5 dates last week. The best one was with a 23-year-old college student. Yes, I am 31. Fuck it. He’s fucking cute, and I’m not sorry. The worst date was with a 31 year old. He was so mind-numbingly boring that I had trouble focusing. He was very nice, but fuuuuuck. I can’t. The worst part of that date was when he asked if I wanted another drink, and I said yes when I wanted to say no. I need to stay true to myself, but it’s so difficult sometimes. That was 3 hours of my life that I’ll never get back.

This week I’m only going on 1-2 dates. And, honestly, I might cancel one of them. I’m tired and I don’t want to waste my energy on strangers right now. I need space for me. And I need to cook something other than eggs. Though, let’s be real – eggs are the perfect food. I could eat eggs for every meal (and sometimes I do!). They’re the only food that comes with it’s own sauce!

Mushroom Egg Wrap

1 egg

Large handful of mushrooms, sliced

1 corn tortilla

Small handful of spinach or arugula

Small handful of shredded mozzarella (or any cheese of your choice)


Olive oil

Hot sauce

Splash of milk

Salt and pepper

Saute sliced mushrooms with butter over medium-high heat until browned. Add salt and pepper. Whisk egg with a splash of milk (or use half and half like I did) and pour over the mushrooms. The pan I used was too big… don’t do that. Or do that, but recognize that it’ll be messy. It doesn’t fucking matter. I mean, who are you trying to impress? Add a little mozzarella (I used the saddest, last, semi-hard little chunk of cheese that I had in my fridge). Once the egg is nearly cooked through, fold it over on itself (like an omelette, but it doesn’t need to be pretty). Warm your tortilla over a gas stove (if you have one), or you can microwave it, I guess (If you can’t tell, I’m judging you for microwaving). Place egg/mushroom deliciousness into warmed tortilla and top with some fresh spinach or arugula. Maybe add hot sauce (do it!). Serve with a little salad, or some hashbrowns. Or nothing. I’ve been making these as snacks lately, rather than full meals. Honestly, I just threw that lettuce on the plate to make it pretty for you. That shit went right back in the fridge and I ate the wrap all by itself. Don’t judge me.

comfort food · Dating · dinner · easy · quick · soup · vegetarian

Corn Chowder

I am finding it difficult to navigate my life in an authentic way, while not worrying that I’m coming across as high maintenance. I mentioned this a bit in the last post, too. Basically, I feel like by asking for what I want/need, I am then seen as high maintenance and/or needy. For example, I just had a text conversation with my landlord about the mice situation (ugh, I know!) in my apartment. He said the pest control company would be by today, and I immediately texted back stating that I don’t want any poison put down at all (I have a cat). It took him over an hour to get back to me (and pest control would be to my place soon), so I texted again, just asking him to get back to me before they arrive. He was super nice about it, but I found myself feeling insecure about voicing that concern. Why the fuck should I feel insecure about that?! Is being high maintenance not wanting your cat to die? Because if it is, then I guess I am! Whatever.


Look at that burnt little carrot bit! WTF?

This keeps happening with my dating bullshit, too. I’m so sick of these guys. Honestly, the 2 of them combined aren’t giving me enough attention. Before you start… yes, I do know how that sounds. Super fucking high maintenance, right? Listen. I haven’t seen either of them in a few weeks–one of them has been over a month. Yet they both insist that they still want to see me. Trust me, I’ve flat out asked them. There is the standard response of being too busy, and once there was the very valid excuse of having strep throat. But then I’ll get a text at 11pm from one of them asking if I want to hang out. Okay, fucker, I know where this is going. And that’s fine once in awhile, but that will not be the basis of our relationship. I’ve told him that flat out, yet I still get intermittent responses from him, or sometimes no response at all. Wow. So I finally decided… we’re done. I need way more attention than this. It’s just not going to work out. I texted him that I hope he finds someone that is looking for this type of relationship, that I don’t fault him for being busy, but that it’s just not enough for me. He responded right away (which is interesting, since it can often be awhile before I hear back from him) that he understands, and that he wishes me luck, too. It seems very clear to me that he wasn’t that interested… so why string me along like that? I will never understand men. Just say what you want! Why am I required to guess? Especially when I’m so up front with what I want and need. Fuck this shit. Moving on.

Apparently I’m going to join Tinder next month. Fuck my life.

Moral of the story… always ask for what you want, try not to feel bad about it, and do it even if you do feel bad about it. I can pretty much guarantee that if I was a man I wouldn’t be having this internal conflict. Men are expected to ask for what they want. Women are expected to provide it. No one knows what to do when a woman asks for what she wants and deserves. Well, get ready world, because according to my friend, Hannah, we are starting a revolution of women who love themselves.

Women who love themselves know they deserve more.

Now then… let’s make some fucking chowder.


Corn Chowder

2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons olive oil

1-2 carrots, shredded and chopped (instructions below)

1 red bell pepper, chopped

2 stalks celery, chopped

3 tablespoons flour

3 cups vegetable stock

1 1/2 cups milk

2 medium to large potatoes, peeled and chopped or sliced however you like

12 oz fresh or frozen corn

Green onion, chopped

Salt and pepper

For the carrots: Use a vegetable peeler to peel thick strips. Pile those strips on top of each other and chop into 1″ pieces. Or, chop the carrots however you want. Rachel Ray told me to do it this way, and I always believe her. You should, too.

Heat the butter and oil in a large pot. Add the carrots, celery, and bell pepper. Saute over medium-high heat for about 5 minutes (the recipe said 7 minutes, but my carrots started to burn!). Add the flour one tablespoon at a time, and stir vigorously while it cooks for a few minutes. Slowly add the stock, while continuing to stir, then add the milk and stir well. Throw in the potatoes and some salt and pepper. Let simmer for about 8 minutes, stirring often. Add the corn and simmer for an additional 8-10 minutes. To thicken the soup, scoop out about 1 cup and blend until smooth in a blender or food processor. Add the blended cup back into the pot and stir to combine. Garnish with green onion. Serve with crusty bread (duh).

Don’t drop anything on the floor, because apparently your cat is napping instead of chasing away mice. The curse of being a good cat mom… she wants for nothing. This is why I have 6 professional (and cat safe!) mouse traps in my home. Sigh.




Beans · comfort food · dinner · easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · quick · Tacos · vegetarian

Taco Cake

I finally met my neighbor across the hall. I’ve been living in the same building for 4 1/2 years, and I swear he’s only been there 2 years. Maybe. So I ran into him in the hall for the millionth time, and finally introduced myself. Turns out he’s been living there almost the entire time I’ve been here. I’m the worst. I actively go out of my way to not meet anyone in my building.

Cortney has this idea that I live in Stars Hollow (from Gilmore Girls). Keep in mind that I live right in the middle of Minneapolis. No, it’s not a giant city… but it’s not fucking Stars Hollow. She came to this conclusion when she found out that I know the names of the baristas at my local coffee shop. That’s not because I know everyone, that’s because I spend far too much time/money at the coffee shop next to my work. Seriously… out of control. And the only reason I really even learned their names is because Hannah is so fucking extroverted. She basically forced me to meet all of them (which is actually nice, they’re lovely). It was totally outside my comfort zone. I also work within 7 blocks of my apartment, and practice/teach yoga at the studio that is 1 block away. This, to Cortney, means I must know everyone, and spend all my time waving to my many friends/neighbors when walking down the street (when, in fact, the reality is me walking down the street alone with my head down, avoiding eye contact). Her response to me finally meeting my neighbor was, “OMG! It’s going to be just like Gilmore Girls!” I think she needs to take into consideration that it took me FOUR YEARS to meet said neighbor. She’s in for a rude awakening when she visits.


Speaking of which… she comes to visit in TWO WEEKS! And she’s staying for two weeks! It’s going to be fucking magical. We’re going to visit Duluth, go horseback riding, have high tea, go hiking, and take yoga and Acro together! She even gets to attend one of my yoga classes. Seriously – fucking magic. I’m so excited about this.

And I’m going to cook her delicious food! Maybe even this fucking awesome taco cake (minus the sour cream)!

I’ve made this “cake” for two birthdays at work this year. It was a fucking hit. It’s super messy to eat, though… FYI.

Taco Cake

6-10 Corn tortillas, heated on the stove (see photo)

1 bell pepper, thinly sliced

1 onion, thinly sliced

1 avocado, sliced

Lettuce/mixed greens

1 jar salsa

Sour cream

1 can refried beans, heated according to can instructions

Olive oil

Taco seasoning (cumin, paprika, salt, pepper, cayenne)

Saute onions and peppers in a few tablespoons of olive oil over medium-high heat. Sprinkle with taco seasoning and cook until onions are slightly translucent, stirring frequently. I like to let ’em brown a little bit, too. Do what you want. Char the tortillas on the stove, over an open flame, and get to layering! Lay down a tortilla, and cover with a layer of beans, onions/peppers, salsa, sour cream, then add another tortilla. Top the second tortilla with one or all of the fillings. There’s no wrong way to do this… just keep layering until it’s the right height for you. I like to top the whole thing with some salsa, a big dollop of sour cream, and some sliced avocado to make it pretty. If you’re being dainty, you can cut slices out of this, like cake. Otherwise, you could pick the whole thing up in your hands, and just take huge, sloppy bites out it, like a weird/giant sandwich. Do what feels true to you.

breakfast · brunch · comfort food · dinner · easy · eggs · gluten free · healthy · lunch · quick · sides · vegetarian

Fried Potatoes

I feel like I might be coming out of my fog. It feels good… better than good–fucking fantastic. The Yoga Teacher Training is on hiatus for right now, which means I’ve been able to get back to my physical practice. It feels so good to be able to actually practice yoga regularly again, rather that just learn about it and practice teaching (which is also awesome, just not the same). I think one of the best parts of going through this process was getting to know this amazing group of women. I was so lucky to learn along side so many beautiful and insightful people. Everyone was just endlessly supportive and encouraging. It sounds cheesy… but this has really been the best decision I have ever made for myself. It has been so fucking difficult and draining… but I really think that just means it’s worth it.

It’s so fucking worth it.

It’s really been a lesson about self-care, too. Juggling all the training and practice, along with work and socializing, meant giving up my quality alone time. Considering my anxiety level, that was okay with me at the time. Being alone was scary, and just meant I would focus on the anxiety. Being constantly on the go was a wonderful distraction. That being said… I think it’s important to take time for myself, even if that means I end up having to feel all my feelings. Feelings fucking suck. But then I’m reminded of what Cortney says… “Feelings mean you’re human. And human is good.”

So I’ve learned to be comfortable with myself again, after spending that last several months running from myself. And I’ve learned to feel my feelings (some days are more successful than others). It really is a constant battle, though. I challenge you all to designate at least a few hours each week (a whole day would be ideal) to spending quality time alone. The more you try to run from it, the more you need it.

I have been spending some of my alone time cooking again. It feels so good to be in the kitchen, not using a microwave. I made fried potatoes this weekend, and, fuck, I forgot how good they can be. Why do I always neglect my potatoes until they’re almost (or sometimes all the way) rotten, when I  could be making delicious fried potatoes every fucking day? Honestly, sometimes I question my intelligence.

I feel like every time I tell someone I had fried potatoes with my breakfast, they “Ooooo” and “Ahhhh” like I did something magical. Okay, people… they’re just potatoes. I mean, really. It’s so easy to make them – you can even do it on a workday. Why the fuck not? Or, you can be really smart, and make enough on Sunday to just reheat a portion every day throughout the week (I don’t have the foresight to do this). People also often comment about how that’s too much food for a weekday morning, or that they can’t have that many calories/carbs/fat, or whatever else nonsense they’ve told themselves. Listen – I cook 1 potato with onions and peppers in some coconut oil… then I eat about half of that with an egg on top. Don’t fucking tell me that’s too much food. I’m so fucking sick of everyone feeling the need to comment on what others eat. Can we all just stop punishing ourselves and each other for consuming food (which is vital to our existence)?


Fried Potatoes

1 potato (red/yellow/russet/whatevs), cubed

1/4 onion, chopped

1/4 to 1/2 green bell pepper, chopped

Coconut oil (2ish tablespoons)

Salt and pepper

Heat coconut oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add cubed potato, plus salt and pepper. Reduce heat slightly, and cover skillet with a large lid for a couple minutes. Uncover skillet, being very careful of splattering oil! If you also don’t wear pants in the kitchen, I recommend an apron for this part to avoid burning your thighs/belly (I also wasn’t wearing a shirt, and was terrified – apparently cooking in my underwear is becoming a regular thing). If you’re not careful, the condensation on the bottom of the lid will drip into the skillet, causing the oil to freak the fuck out. To avoid this, I turn off the heat and wait a few minutes before removing the lid. Don’t judge me. Turn the potatoes over to brown the other side, and add the onion and pepper, plus more salt and pepper. Fry over medium heat for a few minutes, covering with a lid for a few minutes to speed up the cooking process. Stir occasionally and make sure that things are browning evenly. Uncover for the last several minutes to ensure some extra crispiness.

When they’re done (or almost done), fry an egg over easy. Scoop some potatoes onto a plate, and top with said egg. Try not to poke a hole in the bottom of your egg, causing it to look weird and sunken in the middle. But even if that happens, don’t worry… it’ll still be fucking awesome. Pretend you’re having brunch on a Monday morning by yourself, and serve yourself a virgin mimosa (it’s orange juice mixed with disappointment).