avocado · Cheese · comfort food · Dating · dinner · easy · lunch · mushrooms · quick · Sandwiches · tinder · vegetarian

Loaded Grilled Cheese After a Disappointing Weekend

I started my day yesterday with a dick pic from a stranger… if that tells you anything about how my week is going.

One of my Tinder dates read my blog. I was feeling careless one night and let him friend me on Facebook, where he obviously found the link. He texted me the day after our first date and said, “Is it weird that I want to know how it ends with the controller guy?” Yes, yes it is weird. I hesitantly replied, “This is why I don’t let my dates read my blog… I don’t actually know how it ends with the controller guy yet.”  But honestly, I was impressed with the fact that he brought it up at all. Seemed a bit ballsy, don’t you think? I appreciated the directness. So, in case you’re wondering, here is how it ends with the controller guy…

I went out with him again last weekend. This was technically our 4th date (Errr… 3.5 dates). We did a morning date with coffee, a trip to a thrift store (where I got a fucking sweet little end table – see photos), and a walk around the park before heading to his place to watch a movie. It was great, actually. And we hung out for around 6 hours (which is something that seems to keep happening to us), despite not really being on the same page about some things.

The night beforehand we were texting a bit, and he popped the question.

Fuck.

“So what are you looking for with this online dating thing?” he asked.

Double fuck.

I knew where this was fucking going. I’m not stupid. This isn’t my first rodeo, and it sure as hell wasn’t my first Tinder letdown. But I was tired of being “talked to” via text message. I got a surge of empowerment, put up some fucking boundaries, and told him what I needed in order to continue this conversation.

So I said, “Can we discuss this tomorrow? I’m not great with text.” (My therapist was so proud of me!)

He said sure, but still went on to say, “I just want to be upfront, so you don’t have the wrong expectations. I’m weekend fun at best.”

I’m weekend fun at best?

I can’t.

I chose not to engage in conversation with him for the rest of the night. I was not ready to have this conversation at all, and I was especially not excited about being rejected again. The next day we did talk, though reluctantly. I could physically feel his anxious energy when I brought it up again. Fuck, dude… this was your idea. I didn’t want to define anything yet. But here we are.

We do not agree about what we want from each other. Big surprise, right? To me, it’s not being “upfront” when you bring up your desire to have absolutely no commitment of any kind (probably ever) 3 weeks into dating. This is the age of Tinder – the age of making your wants and needs known on a profile for all to read, so that we can all make educated decisions when swiping. So, yeah, I already had some expectations. Don’t pretend you didn’t know that. But, hey, I wasn’t that clear about it, either, so I guess we’re both to blame.

So then the question is… why did I decide to hang out with him all day despite knowing we didn’t agree on this? Because I’m human and complex, just like everyone else. And because I fucking felt like it.

I have learned that I need to be clearer about my intentions with online dating. No, I’m not ready to jump right in to something serious… but I also need to know that the option is there, because that is definitely the end goal. When you say, “Casual dating and just see where it goes,” dudes think that “seeing where it goes” means sex and only sex. I didn’t know that. I’m learning.

Fuck.

So I definitely went into this with different expectations and was genuinely excited… and I was let down… again. But you know what? I’d still rather be disappointed and sad every single fucking time versus closing myself off completely to emotional connection. I refuse to enter into these things guarded. Because, as I’ve said before, if you’re not excited and open…. then what is the fucking point? What are we even here for? The human connection is so worth it. I’d take hurt feelings over a gray world of “meh” any day. Wouldn’t you?

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I then had the opposite experience on Sunday afternoon. I went on a 2nd date with another guy(the one that read my blog). He’s smart, kind, secure, motivated, balanced, self-aware, and all around amazing. He’s looking for a relationship and he likes me. Not only that, but he’s good with boundaries and communication. He literally offered me everything I wanted – go slow, and see where it goes (end goal: relationship). He was charming and sweet. We maintained good conversation, and he made me laugh. But I couldn’t look at him as anything other than a friend.

And I feel shitty about that.

I’m trying to not feel shitty about it, because I know you can’t force feelings that aren’t there. But fuuuuuck. Part of me is screaming – what the fuck is wrong with you?! And the other part of me is calmly reassuring myself that he’s just not my person. What’s meant to be will be. Breathe.

But seriously, if there are cool single ladies out there… let me know, and I’ll connect you two (with his permission, of course). He’s so fucking awesome. He was even cool when I told him I didn’t want to go out again.

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I realize this is turning into a dating blog. Get over it. I want this to be a space where nothing is off limits, and where I can write my stories as they really happen. I’m still cooking and eating, and loving it. Sometimes I write about food, but mostly I write about life. Right now my life is mostly about dating. And that’s okay. Shit is always changing.

I made this bomb grilled cheese sandwich after a frustrating afternoon of being double charged for new tires on my car, while also realizing one of the tires already had a fucking screw in it. Fuck the full moon. Seriously.

Next week I’ll be in California and Hawaii (where Cortney is apparently setting me up with a friend of a friend in the hopes that I will fall in love and move there), so don’t feel too bad for me. 🙂

Oh, and the dick pic was from that psychopath that thought he could be his own doctor. I think I have finally successfully blocked him. Only time will tell.

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Loaded Grilled Cheese Sandwich

1/2 avocado, sliced

2 pieces sourdough bread

smoked cheddar, sliced

4-5 button mushrooms, sliced

1/4 onion, sliced

butter

olive oil

Salt and pepper

Heat a skillet over medium high heat, melting the butter with a little olive oil. Add the onions and saute for a couple minutes, until they become translucent. Add the mushrooms and saute, stirring frequently, a few more minutes, until the onions and mushrooms are slightly (or a lot) browned. Add a little salt and pepper. Remove from heat and set aside. Butter one side of one of the pieces of bread, and place it butter side down in a greased skillet. Top with the sliced avocado, cheese, the onion/mushroom mixture, and the second piece of bread. Heat in the skillet over medium heat, and cover to keep the heat in (it helps melt the cheese). Once it’s about ready to be flipped, spread a little butter on the top piece of bread. Flip over and heat until slightly browned on both sides. Gobble it up immediately – while it’s still gooey. Remind yourself that you’re a badass, and someday the right person will notice.

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Also, can we talk about this fucking bomb-ass table I bought from the Salvation Army on my 4th date with no commitment guy? It was totally worth the soul crush.

avocado · breakfast · brunch · comfort food · Dating · dinner · easy · eggs · healthy · lunch · quick · Sandwiches · vegetarian

Spicy Avocado Toast (aka My New Obsession)

I have been eating this literally every morning for breakfast this week. It’s even better than the original avocado toast recipe. I kid you not. This also passes for a fucking awesome (and quick) dinner, which is helpful when you have many drink dates set up with crazy people from Tinder. It never ends.

I learned the term “Tinder Fatigue” this week. I was talking to this guy on the app about how overwhelming it can be to online date. Now, we had been having some decent conversation for about a week. I felt fairly comfortable talking to him about this. He didn’t seem like a dick. But he was just not understanding. Like, he thought everything was easy and fun. Sigh. Dudes – am I right? So I finally said to him, “Okay, just tell me then… how many matches do you have right now? I don’t mean just the people you’re actually talking to… but how many are in your full list of matches?”

“Eight,” He replied.

Well, shit. This guy has no clue. NONE.

Now I’m faced with a dilemma… do I lie? Do I somehow break it to him gently? How is this going to go? I’m a terrible liar, even via text, so I opt for the truth. I have 41 matches (which has only increased since having this conversation). You know what his first question was?

“So how many hook ups have you had on here?”

Sighhhhhh. So when I match with guys on Tinder… I’m fairly certain that 80% of them are swiping right on nearly every single woman they see. This means I am forced to sift through the pile of dudes. Fuck. I don’t want to waste my time sifting through a pile of assholes. Wouldn’t it just be easier for everyone involved if we read each other’s profiles and swiped accordingly? The profiles are literally less than 500 characters.

Several people have told me to join OkCupid. I thought it might be better because they match you with people based on about a million questions. One of the first things I did was check the “no babies” box, and then, just to be very clear, write in my profile that I don’t want kids. I love that they ask questions and give me a match percentage on OkCupid, but I absolutely fucking hate that they allow anyone and everyone to message me. I signed up for it, and then forgot about it for about a week. By the time I signed in again, I had 311 “likes” and 56 messages. Fuck. I scrolled through it for 2 minutes before closing the whole thing in a panic. I could not process that many people trying to talk to me. I couldn’t even look at their profiles. The whole thing was just too much. I waited a few days before trying again. I braced myself and signed in only to find even more messages (many along the lines of, “Hey, sexy/baby/sweetie/cutie/beauty/etc” or “You have a beautiful smile/hot body.” Gag). Before tackling the messages, I decided to fill out my profile more. At least now the messages are from people that somewhat make sense to me. Everyone else just gets blocked immediately. I’ve blocked so many fucking people.

The first Bumble date I ever had messaged me on OkCupid the other day. We went on one date 6 months ago that lasted about an hour. He bailed out of there so quickly that I just assumed he wasn’t interested. I wasn’t really either, so no hard feelings. Never heard from him again. Suddenly he’s interested? He’s all, “I really wanted to make out with you, but you didn’t seem into it.” Well, I wasn’t. And neither were you, because you bailed the moment our drinks were finished. He seemed to think we were going to reconnect. WTF? We literally met in person for one hour, and had nothing in common. Why the fuck would I want to see him again?

What is wrong with people?

I do have hope, though. I’m talking to a couple people that seem like decent human beings. I mean, for now. They’ll probably all ghost me, and/or be shocked that I don’t want children (and then ghost me).

One person even made it to 3 dates. That seems to be my max, though, so we’ll see if I ever hear from him again. He probably didn’t realize I don’t want to breed with him, and once he realizes he’ll ghost me and/or act appalled. I mean, how is he supposed to know when there are a full 4 sentences in my profile?

Goddammit, people – read my fucking profile.

Spicy Avocado Toast

1 slice sourdough bread

1 egg

1/4 to 1/2 avocado, thinly sliced

Red pepper flakes

Arugula

Olive oil

Hot sauce

Salt and pepper

Bring a pot of water to a boil and slowly lower in an egg. Let it boil for about 6 minutes (it’ll be runny in the middle). While it’s boiling, take your toast and layer with the avocado slices. Sprinkle some red pepper flakes on top, along with some salt. Drizzle with olive oil, and add as much hot sauce as you like. Top it with the arugula and a soft boiled egg. Use your fork to break up the egg a little bit, spreading it around evenly. Add some salt and pepper and shovel into your face. Eat this for all your meals because you can’t bring yourself to cook more than that, and you’re too busy going on many dates. When you’re done eating, collapse from exhaustion.

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Beans · comfort food · dinner · easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · quick · Tacos · vegetarian

Taco Cake

I finally met my neighbor across the hall. I’ve been living in the same building for 4 1/2 years, and I swear he’s only been there 2 years. Maybe. So I ran into him in the hall for the millionth time, and finally introduced myself. Turns out he’s been living there almost the entire time I’ve been here. I’m the worst. I actively go out of my way to not meet anyone in my building.

Cortney has this idea that I live in Stars Hollow (from Gilmore Girls). Keep in mind that I live right in the middle of Minneapolis. No, it’s not a giant city… but it’s not fucking Stars Hollow. She came to this conclusion when she found out that I know the names of the baristas at my local coffee shop. That’s not because I know everyone, that’s because I spend far too much time/money at the coffee shop next to my work. Seriously… out of control. And the only reason I really even learned their names is because Hannah is so fucking extroverted. She basically forced me to meet all of them (which is actually nice, they’re lovely). It was totally outside my comfort zone. I also work within 7 blocks of my apartment, and practice/teach yoga at the studio that is 1 block away. This, to Cortney, means I must know everyone, and spend all my time waving to my many friends/neighbors when walking down the street (when, in fact, the reality is me walking down the street alone with my head down, avoiding eye contact). Her response to me finally meeting my neighbor was, “OMG! It’s going to be just like Gilmore Girls!” I think she needs to take into consideration that it took me FOUR YEARS to meet said neighbor. She’s in for a rude awakening when she visits.

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Speaking of which… she comes to visit in TWO WEEKS! And she’s staying for two weeks! It’s going to be fucking magical. We’re going to visit Duluth, go horseback riding, have high tea, go hiking, and take yoga and Acro together! She even gets to attend one of my yoga classes. Seriously – fucking magic. I’m so excited about this.

And I’m going to cook her delicious food! Maybe even this fucking awesome taco cake (minus the sour cream)!

I’ve made this “cake” for two birthdays at work this year. It was a fucking hit. It’s super messy to eat, though… FYI.

Taco Cake

6-10 Corn tortillas, heated on the stove (see photo)

1 bell pepper, thinly sliced

1 onion, thinly sliced

1 avocado, sliced

Lettuce/mixed greens

1 jar salsa

Sour cream

1 can refried beans, heated according to can instructions

Olive oil

Taco seasoning (cumin, paprika, salt, pepper, cayenne)

Saute onions and peppers in a few tablespoons of olive oil over medium-high heat. Sprinkle with taco seasoning and cook until onions are slightly translucent, stirring frequently. I like to let ’em brown a little bit, too. Do what you want. Char the tortillas on the stove, over an open flame, and get to layering! Lay down a tortilla, and cover with a layer of beans, onions/peppers, salsa, sour cream, then add another tortilla. Top the second tortilla with one or all of the fillings. There’s no wrong way to do this… just keep layering until it’s the right height for you. I like to top the whole thing with some salsa, a big dollop of sour cream, and some sliced avocado to make it pretty. If you’re being dainty, you can cut slices out of this, like cake. Otherwise, you could pick the whole thing up in your hands, and just take huge, sloppy bites out it, like a weird/giant sandwich. Do what feels true to you.

avocado · breakfast · brunch · easy · eggs · gluten free · healthy · quick · vegetarian

Breakfast Salad and Life Changes

As many of you know, I have a bit of a yoga obsession. It’s right up there with ice cream for me. I’ve only been practicing for a little over a year, but feel drawn to yoga unlike anything else. So I’ve decided to take the leap and sign up for a teacher training program. This doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to most people, but this is huge for me. I’ve never loved something enough to really dive in head first like this. I mean, not as a adult. There are things I’ve dabbled in, or thought about doing “someday.” This is the first time I ever thought to myself… what about now?

I had been talking myself out of it for months… telling myself that I wasn’t good enough yet, that I needed more practice… that I had to nail that headstand first. I thought I’d take the training next year, once I was ready… once everything was perfect. Fuck perfect. I’ve been waiting my whole life to take chances, to believe in myself enough to jump in. I’ve been waiting for everything to align perfectly, so that I’d then feel ready, and wouldn’t have to worry about failure. Failure isn’t so scary. It just means we wanted something enough to try. What’s wrong with that?

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I’m drinking with Hannah this weekend, so there will be stories next week. And more snark. I guess I’m not always feeling snarky. This week I’m feeling inspired.

I would also like to mention that I based 2 people at the same time in Acro Yoga this week. Like a fucking bad-ass.

Breakfast Salad

2ish cups of mixed greens

1 egg

Shredded carrot (like half a carrot’s worth)

2ish tablespoons thinly sliced onion and/or chopped green onion

2ish tablespoons chopped bell peppers

2 tablespoons sunflower seeds

Salt and pepper

Dressing:

1/4 avocado

1 tablespoon stone ground mustard

3 tablespoons water

Juice from one lemon wedge

Salt and pepper

Fill a small sauce pan with water and bring to a boil. Lower in egg with a slotted spoon and let boil for 6 minutes (or, if you’re like me, 9 minutes…. but then the yolk will be hard and sad). A 6 minute egg will be soft-boiled, which is wonderful on salad. The yolk mixes with the dressing and makes everything more delicious. Eggs are the only food that come with their own sauce. USE IT.

While the egg is boiling, throw the greens and veggies into a large bowl. Mix the dressing together by throwing all ingredients into a bowl, and mushing it all together with a fork. Drizzle over the salad, and top with the soft-boiled egg (don’t forget to peel it). If you eat meat, add a little bacon to this.

I have found that this salad does not need cheese. The yolk is rich enough. However, if you feel the need to have cheese, no one is stopping you.

I’m a big fan of pairing this with a donut. But you do you.

 

avocado · Beans · breakfast · brunch · comfort food · dinner · easy · eggs · gluten free · healthy · lunch · quick · Tacos · vegetarian

Breakfast Tacos

So I’ve been feeling really great about my body lately. I know – that’s not what women are supposed to say. We’re supposed to go on and on about how fat we are, desperately hoping for a compliment. Fuck that shit. I feel great. I mean, mostly. I backtracked today a little bit, when I weighed myself for the first time in 6 months. I’ve gained a little weight. It happens. What scared me was that I immediately went into this crazy, calorie counting mode. That’s how I deal with it – I obsessively count calories. It takes over my life, and is all around horrible. After mentioning this to my best friend, Cortney, she responded with this lovely thought…

“Girl, I totally understand what you are going through. I’m living that as well. I know how frustrating it is to want to restrict yourself after you gain weight, but don’t do it!! Don’t do that calorie counting shit–it’s so hurtful to your frame of mind and ruins the whole point of knowing and loving, and honoring your body’s needs.”

I love her so much.

What’s ridiculous is that before I knew the number on the scale, I felt great. Honestly, I still feel pretty great when I don’t think about the number. What the fuck does that number mean anyway? It’s always going to be higher than the average person, because I have crazy curves. And that’s awesome! Anyone who thinks otherwise can fuck right off.

I do think it’s important to nourish your body with healthy and delicious food, regardless of weight. So I will try to cut back on the desserts, and increase the veggies – but I will not count my calories. This is an important public service announcement. Seriously. I know my shit.

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You know what’s healthy and delicious? Tacos.

You know what’s better than regular tacos? Fucking breakfast tacos.

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Breakfast Tacos

1 or 2 corn tortillas (If you use flour tortillas, please never tell me. It will break my heart.)

1 or 2 eggs

Pinto beans

Brown rice

Salsa

Avocado

Optional toppings: Sour cream, green onion, sliced radishes tossed with lemon, whatever you like!

Heat the tortillas over an open flame on a gas stove, until slightly charred. Scramble the egg(s), scoop warm rice and beans onto a plate, and assemble tacos! Top with lots of salsa. Eat as many as you want – preferably while in your underwear, feeling great about your body.

avocado · Chicken · comfort food · dinner · easy · gluten free · lunch · quick · snacks · Tacos

Chicken Tacos and Vacation

I’ve been a little frazzled lately. Things in my life have been hectic, so I haven’t been able to blog. I’m hoping in the coming weeks that will change. Part of the problem was that I went on a luxurious vacation in Arizona with one of my girlfriends. It was full of delicious food, yoga, massages, and champagne. And amazing cacti.

 

I know. Poor me. Seriously, though, things have been chaotic mostly. I finally have things slightly under control, and am feeling more balanced. For the last month I was staying with friends, and didn’t have control over a kitchen of my own. Therefore, blogging was difficult. I did cook one meal worthy of a blog post while I crashed with my amazing friend, Hollee. Tacos are one of my go-to easy meals. I routinely make veggie tacos, especially if I’m too lazy to defrost meat (always). It’s super easy to make, and it can feel sort of fancy if you do it right (I’ll teach you). I like to add a little side salad with my tacos, or some beans and rice, depending on what I have on hand.

BTW, I know that yoga pose in the photo above is technically incorrect. Fuck off. I felt amazing doing yoga at the Grand Canyon!

Chicken Tacos

1 pound chicken breast or thigh, sliced

1 bell pepper, sliced

1 onion, sliced

Mixed greens

Green onion, chopped

Radishes, sliced very thin

Olive oil

Lemon

Soft corn tortillas (if you use flour tortillas, don’t ever speak to me again)

Avocado

Salsa

Sour cream

Taco spices: chili powder, cumin, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, red pepper flakes, salt, and pepper (I don’t have real measurements for this… it’s like 6 shakes of chili powder, then 3 shakes for all the others. Taste as you go! Omit red pepper flakes if you don’t like things spicy.)

Saute chicken in a large skillet over medium-high heat, with a little olive oil. Season while it’s cooking. Once the chicken looks about halfway cooked(you’ll still see some pink), add the peppers and onions, plus more seasoning. Continue cooking until the veggies soften, and the chicken is cooked through. Taste and adjust seasonings as needed. Trust me, you can’t fuck it up. You don’t need exact measurements. Also, I almost never have onion powder or garlic powder on hand, so I just leave ’em out. It’s still fucking delicious.

While the chicken is cooking, prepare the radishes. Toss them with some salt and lemon juice (from one wedge of lemon) in a small bowl. Set aside.

For the tortillas – heating them over an open flame on a gas stove top is the best case scenario. Hollee only had an electric stove, so I made do. It worked surprisingly well, actually! You want to char the tortillas just a little on each size (I do them on my gas stove over high heat and turn them with metal tongs after about 30 seconds on each side). Don’t microwave them, or I will punch you right in the face.

Fill tortillas with the chicken and veggies, then top with any variation of the following: mixed greens, green onion, radish slices, avocado, salsa, and sour cream. Some people like to add cheese, but I find it unnecessary. If you’re having rice and beans, I like to add a little of that to the tortillas, as well. My tacos are usually over-filled, but I give no fucks. It’s messy and delicious.

Stuff as many tacos into your face as physically possible.

Side note: Do not add cilantro to this. Cilantro is not food. It’s disgusting.

 

 

avocado · breakfast · brunch · eggs · vegetarian

Egg and Avocado Toast

Another recipe everyone else has done.

But, fuck it, this is my version. And it’s obviously superior to all other versions. 20151025_152139

I’m trying to eat healthier, because I’ve been a disaster for the last few weeks/months. This happens to me frequently… the search for balance. It’s an endless battle.

The decision came yesterday, when I finally got my mermaid leggings in the mail. I pulled them up as much as possible, and they still wouldn’t cover a good four inches of my ass. Seriously, this ass. It’s both a blessing and a curse. But, honestly, if I can’t get your largest sized leggings over my ass, you have no business marketing them as “plus-size.” I wear the smallest fucking size they make in plus-size everywhere else. WTF? 20151025_152226

So, while I know there is nothing wrong with my body as it is, I would like to lose a few pounds. No, this does not mean I’m going to stop loving my body in the process. I hate that shit. You don’t have to hate yourself just because you want to change a little. Words to live by.

Avocado toast is one of my favorite healthy meals. It’s so quick and easy. I routinely make this for breakfast, even on work days. It feels fancy, and less like a Monday if I get to eat this in the morning. I will also occasionally make it for a light dinner, usually when I’ve eaten too many chips and salsa as an after work snack. I clearly still think I’m a teenager. 20151025_152337

You’ll notice that I used some healthy fats in this recipe – a whole egg (gasp – I’m not removing the yolk!?), and avocado. The egg yolk literally has all the fucking vitamins in it. If you’re throwing them away, you’re being a dumbass. And haven’t we gone over the avocado thing before? It’s the good fat, remember? You should be eating avocado EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

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Egg and Avocado Toast

1 egg20151025_152808 (1)

1 slice of good bread (I used sourdough, but whole grain would have been better for me)

1/4 avocado

Yellow mustard

1/4 onion, diced

3-5 white mushrooms, diced

Handful of Swiss chard/spinach/kale/whatever leafy green

Salt and Pepper

Something to grease the pan (butter/oil/spray/whatever)

20151025_152923Saute onions and mushrooms over medium heat, in a lightly greased skillet. Add salt and pepper. Toast bread while cooking onion/mushroom mixture. Once cooked, start frying an egg in another skillet. I like mine over easy. Do what you want. As the egg is cooking, throw in your leafy greens with the onions and mushrooms. Cook until wilted, stirring frequently. Your toast should be ready by now. Spread the avocado onto the toast, then spread a thin layer of mustard over the avocado. Spoon veggie mixture onto toast, and top with the egg. Add a little extra salt and pepper. Bask in the beauty of it. Then stab the yolk all the way through the bottom, so that it mixes into the veggies. Stick the whole thing in your face.