Lemon and Dill Roasted Fingerling Potatoes

September 13, 2018 KelseyLeave a comment

So I went to a wrestling match the other day. It was at Bauhaus Brewery in Minneapolis. I don’t really do beer, but was in a drinkin’ mood, so I downed 2 within the first 30 minutes. I mean, if I’m watching “wrassling,” as T calls it, I better be hammered. HAMMERED.

I’m 5’5 and T is 6’3, but I matched that fucker beer for beer.

Have y’all ever been to a wrestling match? Now, I don’t mean proper wrestling as a sport. I mean “wrassling” as a performance (think WWE). It is a weird hodgepodge of humans that enjoy this shit. Now, don’t get me wrong, it is fucking entertaining. But some of these people are obsessed. And their excitement is contagious. I mean, fuck, towards the end of the show I was full on meowing with the performer… complete with making my hand into a claw and “scratching” the air in front of me (he had a cat theme going, so I was on board). I mean, honestly, get a few drinks into me and I can get excited about anything.

They only had one women’s match, which is a bunch of bullshit. At least the women they chose were badasses. I was rooting for the shorter, plainer looking girl, because, I mean… obviously. But then the traditionally “hot” girl started putting all this crazy lipstick around the outside of her lips and acting full-on INSANE, and I was like, “Murder that little plain bitch!!!”

I mean… LOOK AT HER.

Also, wrestlers are fucking HOT. Most of the dudes that performed were beefy as fuck. We made our rounds at the end of the show to meet all the wrestlers. I don’t know why (beer), but T insisted I be photographed with everyone (because beer). He kept telling them how excited I was to be at my first show, so they were all super sweet to our drunk asses.

T was about to take the picture when he stopped everything and said, “Hold on… hold on… Something’s not right…” I honestly thought something was wrong with his phone or something. But then he said, “Hey man, do you think you could take your shirt off for her?” And that’s when I knew I was in love.

There was one guy that acquired some sort of head wound during his match, and it caused blood to pour down his face. You better believe that fucker left the dried blood all over his face for the rest of the night. I’m sure it was for dramatic effect… and photo ops. I fell for it. Obvi.

This was literally 2+ hours after that head injury. No one could get him a towel?

My only complaint was that this event was held on a Sunday. I mean, why? WHY? I was hungover at work the next day, which is the fucking worst.

We have tickets for another wrestling performance next month, and I’m fucking psyched. Who knew?

We like to contradict stereotypes, so we watch wrestling and shop at the farmer’s market. That’s where we got these delicious little fingerling potatoes. They make everything feel a little fancy, and they’re easy to make.

Roasted Fingerling Potatoes

2ish pounds Fingerling potatoes, washed and sliced in half

1 head broccoli, cut into florets

As many mushrooms as you want (I used around 8oz, but wanted more)

Juice from 1/2 lemon (or about 2 tablespoons)

Garlic powder

Salt and pepper

Olive oil

Fresh dill (optional)

Preheat oven to 400. Bring a pot of water to boil and add in the potatoes. Boil for about 10 minutes (just to start the cooking process). We don’t need them to be cooked all the way, but want to cut down on roasting time. After 10 minutes, drain and rinse potatoes and dump into a large mixing bowl. Add in the broccoli and mushrooms. Drizzle with olive oil and lemon. Toss with a sprinkle of garlic powder, lots of salt, and a bit of pepper. Make sure it’s all mixed well before spreading onto a baking sheet. Bake for 30-40 minutes, stirring things around halfway through. Once done, top with a bunch of fresh chopped dill. Serve with whatever you like! I serve everything with an egg. Sometimes I add some green beans, too.

LOL

baking · comfort food · cupcakes · dinner · easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · mushrooms · pasta · potluck food · vegetarian · veggies · Yummy

Mushroom and Oat “Meat”balls

March 7, 2018 KelseyLeave a comment

The snow situation has been out of control lately. Last weekend Harriet (my cat) and I decided to hibernate at the boyfriend’s place while a blizzard raged outside. Is there anything better than eating comfort food, snuggling inside, and watching Netflix for hours while it snows like mad outside? Yeah, actually… it gets better when you add booze. I drank nearly an entire bottle of vodka over the course of the weekend, mixing it with grapefruit juice and laziness. We spent our time in various reclined positions on the couch, watching anything we could find on Netflix or HBO Go, only getting up to refill our drinks or play a rousing game of Super Mario Brothers. We also got up once to give all three cats “meowtinis” for the fluffy one’s birthday, which was really just tuna and tuna juice in a martini glass.

This is the only photo of these two getting along. Not pictured: The birthday boy (he doesn’t give a fuck about tuna, and just wanted his crunchy treats)

The plan was to stay Friday and Saturday night, then get the hell out of his way on Sunday morning. He and I walked out to my car Sunday morning, and found it under a mound of snow. It took 30+ minutes, lots of pushing, the help from a bobcat (that didn’t help AND scratched my car, me almost crying, then my BF finally maneuvering it that last few inches out of the snow. I was trying to get to Acro, but wanted to stop home first to shower. I wasn’t going to have time for a shower, but would still have time to clean up at home and change cloths. WRONG. There were two snow storms back to back, and this was the second one. That means that there were tons of open parking spots on my street, but they were filled with so much snow that my car wouldn’t be able to get into them (much less out again).

ARE YOU SEEING THIS?

I would not be stopping at my apartment due to lack of parking, so I had an extra 20 minutes to kill. Filled with rage, I drove over to the fancy grocery store for a latte and a cupcake. I walked into the store, past the bouquets of flowers, $40 teddy bears, gourmet cheese, fresh baked bread, and made a beeline for the bakery counter. There were perfect little cupcakes lined up behind the glass, and I wanted one. There was no one at the counter, so I took my time making my decision. After circling the display several times, I made a choice. Chocolate cake with salted caramel buttercream. But where the fuck is the bakery clerk to help me? What the fuck is happening right now? While the individual cupcakes are behind glass, there are 4 packs of cupcakes sitting out for anyone to grab. Since my rage level was already at capacity, I ripped a 4 pack from it’s stack, and stomped to the register. When I got to the car, I decided to share the other 3 cupcakes with my acro friends.

When I got to acro, I decided I wanted to eat another cupcake after class. Seems silly to share 2 cupcakes with a group of people. So I decided to leave them in my car for whenever I had a cupcake craving next (they would obviously be gone within a day). I referred to them as my car cupcakes, and stand by that as one of my best ideas to date.

I wish upon you all the joy of car cupcakes.

Mushroom Oat “Meat”balls

24oz mushrooms, finely chopped (if you have a food processor – use it!)

1/2 to 1 onion, finely chopped

1 cup breadcrumbs

2 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 cup quick oats (or regular oats pulsed in the blender a couple of times)

1/4 cup parsley

1/2 teaspoon oregano

1/2 teaspoon thyme

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

2 tablespoons parmesan

2 eggs

Olive oil

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Chop the fuck out of those mushrooms (and onions). This shit took me nearly an hour. Twenty-four ounces is a LOT when you’re chopping. So maybe invest in that food processor before embarking on this journey. Or just cut the recipe in half like a normal human. When you’re done chopping, throw the onions into a large skillet along with a drizzle of olive oil and crank the heat to medium-high. You ever play that Wii game Cooking Mama? It’s like that right now… you gotta time it right otherwise everything gets fucked up. The original recipe says to cook the mushrooms first. Well, that’s bullshit. The onions take longer to cook, so get those rolling first. Stir ’em around a bit and let ’em cook for a few minutes. They’ll start to soften and become slightly translucent. That’s when you want to add the mushrooms. Let everything cook down. Once it’s all starting to brown slightly, sprinkle with salt and pepper. Now it’s time for the garlic. Once you’ve added the garlic, you’ve only got maybe 3-4 minutes before it burns. I suggested cooking for about 2 minutes, stirring frequently, and then removing from heat. Scoop everything into a large bowl and add all the other dry ingredients (wait to add the eggs!). Stir it all together. Whisk the eggs in a separate bowl, then mix into everything else. Grab a spoonful of the mixture and roll around in your palms until it forms a ball. Line up as many balls (lol) as you can onto a greased baking sheet.

Original recipe says to refrigerate for 2-12 hours. I did not do that. It turned out fine. This recipe also makes an obscene number of balls. I believe it was about 32 total, which is great if you have a large family or a potluck to attend. I do not, so I shared with my boyfriend and only baked a few at a time (keeping the mixture in the fridge for a few days). You could also just cut the recipe in half.

Bake at 375 for 20 minutes, flipping halfway through. Throw ’em on top of some pasta, maybe stuff ’em into some French bread for a meatless meatball sub, or crumble some up onto a pizza. Get creative! Then shove as many balls into your mouth as you can!

dinner · easy · healthy · lunch · mushrooms · pasta · quick · vegan · vegetarian · veggies · Yummy

Vegan “Cheesy” Pasta and “Hot” Yoga

January 23, 2018January 23, 2018 Kelsey2 Comments

Y’all. I did a hot yoga class today, which ended with me panting, sweaty, and shamelessly in child’s pose. Fuuuuuck. Adding heat makes a huge difference. I spoke to the teacher after class and mentioned that I’d never done hot yoga before. He made it a point to emphasize the fact that this was not, in fact, “hot” yoga, as real hot yoga is done at 105 degrees. This was a mere 98 degrees. NBD.

Fuck.

The flow wasn’t even that hard! This has kicked my ass on a whole new level.

Also, can we discuss the mirrors for a second? My studio doesn’t have mirrors, and I prefer it that way. Why do I need to stare at my sweaty ass for an hour? It just makes me feel worse about myself. I mean, I’m sure the mirrors are technically to help with the students’ alignment, but who are we kidding? Some people are just never going to understand alignment, and don’t give a fuck. And if they really want to learn, isn’t it more about how it feels in their body? They should be able to find the alignment without looking into a mirror.

I really hate mirrors when I’m sweaty and in workout clothes. Especially in Warrior II. Fuck. My ass is out of control in that pose, and my belly sticks out. I know, I know… body positivity. And I’m 100% fine with it when I don’t have to look at myself struggling and covered in sweat. It’s the looking at myself in these poses that starts to make me self conscious. Logically, I know these things don’t matter, and I am worthy of love and acceptance. I know that. But fuck. Baby steps.

I made this pasta the other day with simple ingredients that I already had on hand. I know nutritional yeast isn’t something most people just have lying around, but I had it because I’d been meaning to try it. It had been sitting in my fridge for a few weeks when I finally made this pasta. It is definitely not the same as cheese. But it’s still really good! Give it a shot, and just add cheese if you must.

Vegan “Cheesy” Pasta

1/2 onion, chopped

1/2 red bell pepper, chopped

1 handful mushrooms, chopped

1/2 pint grape tomatoes, sliced in half

10oz pasta (choose your own shape!)

1 1/2 cups veggie broth

1 1/2 cups non-dairy milk (I used cashew)

A large handful of baby spinach or chopped Swiss chard

1/4 cup nutritional yeast (found in the bulk aisle at any co-op or Whole Foods)

Garlic powder

Salt and pepper

Olive oil

Drizzle some olive oil into a large pot and toss in the onions, peppers, and mushrooms. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, and a little garlic powder (go easy!). Saute for several minutes, until the onions brown slightly. Add the tomatoes and cook for another 2-3 minutes. Pour in the broth and milk. Stir in pasta and bring to a simmer. Allow to simmer for about 10 minutes, or until pasta is al dente. The liquid will absorb and thicken. While still hot, add in the spinach and mix until fully wilted. Finally, sprinkle in the nutritional yeast and mix well. Top with basil if you’re feeling fancy (I didn’t have any on hand).

Love yourself no matter what you look like in silly yoga poses.

comfort food · dinner · easy · gravy · Holiday recipes · lunch · mushrooms · potatoes · quick · Sauces · sides · thanksgiving · vegetarian · Yummy

Mushroom Herb Gravy and Car Shopping

December 6, 2017December 6, 2017 Kelsey1 Comment

Holy fuck you guys. I bought a new car just in the nick of time. It’s a fucking winter wonderland out there, and I am fully prepared with a car that has working heat (and a fully functional engine that doesn’t threaten to stop at any given moment). Hallelujah!

I bought a purple Honda Fit, and promptly named her Vivian (“Viv” for short). She and I are in love and plan to live a long and happy life together.

Car shopping is the literal worst. I went to several used car dealerships (I mean, who the fuck is out there buying new cars, and do they also have a room full of money in which they swim?), some of which were 40+ minutes away (that’s a long drive in a car that may or may not die without warning). There was one I found online that had several cars in my price range and also had good Yelp reviews. Perfect. I’m ready and I know what I fucking want. Let’s do this.

I pull up to these two wooden shacks. There’s a small sign that says the name of the dealership, and I can see a bunch of cars parked in a huge dirt parking lot behind them. So I walk into one of the buildings and see several people working at desks. No one offers to help me. After standing around with a look of bewilderment on my face, I finally interrupt one of them, a young woman with fake nails and purple highlights, to ask if someone could help me find a car. She tells me to just walk out to the parking lot – there are salesmen out there. Fantastic. As I walk towards the cars, the wind picks up, blowing dirt and sand into my face. I power on. Once I reach what looks to be a wasteland of damaged vehicles, I scan the area. There is no one out there that looks anything like a salesman. There are two couples looking at cars, one of which is asking questions of a man in dirty jeans and a hooded sweatshirt that is driving around in a golf cart. Dirty jeans. Hooded sweatshirt. A GOLF CART.

Am I at a house party in the country? What is happening here?

Dirty jeans man is, in fact, an employee. And he’s not alone! He helps direct me to a second dirty jeans man with his very own golf cart as well. Perfect. Drive me around this piece of shit lot and find me a car that isn’t covered in hail damage. K. Thanks.

Dirty jeans man #2 proceeds to tell me (while he takes me for a golf cart ride) that all the cars on the lot are salvaged. Most of them were purchased at auction and are from floods. Wonderful. He also takes me back to the office with rude purple highlights lady and tells me that I have to look through this huge book that lists all the cars on the lot. Once I find one I like, I should then find a dirty jeans man to drive me (in the golf cart) to said car.

I did not buy a car from them.

Since I was in the area, I opted to check out another dealership. This one only had one employee that I could see. He was a gruff old man that was also poorly dressed. When I walked into the lobby, he was in an office off to the side helping someone else. As that costumer left, he yelled, “Come in,” as though I was a misbehaving child being called into the principal’s office. I tentatively sat down and stated that I was looking for a used car. He asked what I was looking for specifically. I confidently stated, “Honda Civic or Fit with under 130,000 miles for less than $5,000.” At this point I already had my eye on Viv, but wanted to shop around. He let out a chuckle and condescendingly stated, “Oh, honey. You’re not gonna find nothin’ like that. Not for that price.”

I stood up and said, “I already have! But great! Thanks!”

It was a 30 second interaction. I’m proud of myself for not murdering anyone.

The whole thing ended with me getting a very fair deal on Craigslist from an older couple that was just fucking lovely. They also wore clean jeans, which is nice.

I made this gravy for Thanksgiving and it was a hit (with me and one other person, but we have good taste). It’s cold as fuck outside, and that means it’s goddamn gravy season. Am I right?! So throw this together in 20 minutes to help warm up your insides.

Mushroom Herb Gravy

8 oz white button mushrooms, thinly sliced

3 tablespoons butter or oil

2 cloves garlic, minced

3 tablespoons flour

2 cups veggie broth

1 sprig rosemary

1 tablespoon sage (minced fresh or dried)

Salt and pepper

Melt butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the mushrooms and saute for about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the garlic plus salt and pepper and cook for another minute or two. Make sure the moisture from the mushrooms has completely evaporated. Sprinkle in the flour and stir to combine. While frequently stirring, allow mixture to cook for another 3-4 minutes. Let the flour toast slightly, turning a golden brown. Whisk in the broth, making sure to fully incorporate it with the flour (no lumps!). Throw in the rosemary (whole) and the sage. Stir well and allow to simmer for 7-10 minutes, or until desired consistency. Remove sprig of rosemary.

Pour that shit on everything. I scooped it onto some fried potatoes, wilted Swiss charge, and then topped it with an egg (see below).

Cheese · comfort food · dinner · easy · mushrooms · squash · vegetarian · Yummy

Farro Squash Risotto

November 14, 2017November 14, 2017 Kelsey1 Comment

Last weekend I went to this amazing Asian market in Minneapolis called United Noodles. A friend of mine had been meaning to take me there since he found out about my mochi obsession a few months ago. So we made an afternoon of it. As we walked into the store, he immediately grabbed a cart by the front door. Assuming we’d just grab a few snacks, I asked, “Do you really think that’s necessary?” He just gave me a look that said, “Who are we fucking kidding,” while silently pushing the cart into a goddamn candy store for adults. My eyes widened at the array of novelty snacks in whimsical packaging.

The first section we stopped at had Hawaiian macadamia nuts covered in chocolate, along with a selection of Hawaiian coffee. WHY DID I EVEN BUY SOUVENIRS IN HAWAII? It was a whole production just to get me to decide on what to purchase. Then the motherfucking TSA made me take all that shit out of my tightly packed carry-on. That carry-on was filled to the fucking brim. I was pissed. It was a goddamn Tetris game getting all my shit in there, and they wanted me to unpack? Then it took them 20 fucking minutes to make sure I didn’t hide a bomb in my snacks. I left my janky-ass hair dryer behind for this shit. I could have gone to United Noodles this whole time. Except for the fact that I’m a terrible liar, and know that I would immediately tell all my friends where I purchased their fraudulent swag. I would hand it to them with a look of guilt on my face before declaring, “It’s a LIE,” with my head hanging low.

So we pass the Hawaiian section, where I made a mental note of their price for pink Hawaiian sea salt ($5.99), and walked into the aisle full of ramen. Now, I grew up with instant ramen just like anyone else, but we only had one brand option with 3-4 flavors to choose from. This was an entire aisle of various brands, flavors, sauce options, etc. My friend started pointing out his favorites, explaining the different sauces and such. I grabbed two to try, but wasn’t that amped about it. He threw handfuls into the cart.

I was sending a video to Cortney in the middle of this store full of people, trying to share my Asian market experience. My friend turned a corner and I followed, with my nose in my phone as I sent Cortney a quick text. I heard him say my name, so I looked up. He was standing smugly with his arms crossed, nodding to his right. I looked across from him to the case of fucking mochi ice cream standing before me. My jaw dropped. HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS? I turned into an unsupervised toddler in a candy store. There was no shame at all as I shoveled the mochi into our cart both in this aisle, and in the regular mochi aisle. We literally grabbed novelty ice cream treats that didn’t have a word on English on them, and no photo. WE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY WERE.

The snacks were cheap as shit and we still managed to spend nearly $50. They had PLUM WINE mochi ice cream. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? I also purchased cookies and cream mochi ice cream, which tastes like a motherfucking marshmallow.

Happiness is a good Asian market in the middle of the northern midwest.

I have been meaning to learn how to cook farro. It finally happened when I got one of those Hello Fresh meal kits last month. This recipe uses it instead of the traditional arborio rice. It’s a little nuttier, and has a chewier consistency. I added butternut squash because ’tis the season, plus some mushrooms and spinach because duh, why wouldn’t I?

Farro Squash Risotto

1 1/2 cups farro

2 cups butternut squash, peeled and cubed

6-8 button mushrooms, sliced

1/4 to 1/2 onion, diced

2 cloves garlic, minced

3 tablespoons butter

6 cups veggie stock

1/2 cup dry white wine

3 leaves of fresh sage, minced

3 cups baby spinach

Black pepper

1 cup grated parmesan

1/4 cup pumpkin seeds (optional)

Take one cup of the squash and toss with olive oil on a baking sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes (start about halfway through cooking everything else).

In a large pot, heat the butter over medium heat until melted. Add the onion, mushrooms, and 1 cup of the squash, sauteing for about 5 minutes. Throw in the garlic and sage and cook for another minute. Stir in the farro, fulling coating it with the butter. Add the wine and cook for about 2 minutes (while also pouring a glass for yourself). Pour in 2 cups of the stock, along with the black pepper. Stir well and let simmer (increasing heat to medium-high) for 5-10 minutes, until the farro soaks up most of the liquid. Once it’s starting to dry out, add in another 2 cups of stock. Again, wait until it starts to dry out before adding the last 2 cups. Stir occasionally. When it looks like it’s almost done (should be creamy, not soupy), fold in the spinach. Continue simmering until it’s thick and creamy. Slowly stir in the parmesan. Serve with a fresh sprinkling of parmesan, some fresh sage to garnish, and a tablespoon or two of fresh pumpkin seeds for added crunch.

This shit tastes like fancy-ass mac and cheese. Have a glass of white wine with it. Then finished with a mochi ice cream.

dinner · easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · mushrooms · quick · salad · sides · vegan · Vegetables · vegetarian

Roasted Mushroom Arugula Salad and a Bruised Ego

October 24, 2017 KelseyLeave a comment

Hannah and I decided to try the adult version of paint by numbers. Did y’all know this was a thing? I fucking didn’t. But it showed up on Hannah’s Facebook newsfeed with a timelapse video of someone completing a whole painting in like a minute. It looked like a fucking masterpiece, and we were convinced. I have a fucking art degree – this’ll be a breeze. Right?

Wrong.

It’s an elephant. Can’t you tell?

I couldn’t even finish filling in all the #1 spots. And this took me two and a half hours. To make matters worse, sitting for that long was fucking painful. Why? Because my klutzy ass fell down the stairs the other day. It would be funny, except I landed directly on my tailbone… and then bounced down another 4 stairs. Fuuuuuck. That shit hurt both my ass and my ego. Luckily, there was no one around to witness it. And I was able to get up quickly enough to avoid curious neighbors peeking out their doors, wondering what in the fuck crash landed into their apartment building. Nothing to look at here – just a chubby girl. Please look away.

I’m literally traveling to Hawaii today, which means my sore ass will be on a plane for 8ish hours. And I always pick a window seat because I want something to lean against, and I hate people. This means I’ll have to make 2 other people move for me to relieve the pressure on my ass. Sigh.

I made this salad as a side dish from a Hello Fresh recipe a few weeks ago. It was paired with a brie grilled cheese. I just scooped the salad right into the center of that sandwich. It was fucking brilliant. Try it out. Pro tip: To save time, you could just saute mushrooms, but you can’t do as many at once.

Roasted Mushroom Arugula Salad

8-10 button or crimini mushrooms, sliced

1 large handful arugula

2-3 teaspoons Balsamic vinegar

Juice from one wedge of lemon

Olive oil

Salt and pepper

1 tablespoon fresh Rosemary, minced

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Toss the mushrooms with a heavy drizzle of olive oil and salt and pepper. Spread out onto a baking sheet and sprinkle with the Rosemary. Bake for 15-20 minutes, stirring once halfway through. Place the arugula into a medium mixing bowl. Top with the roasted mushrooms. Drizzle with the Balsamic, olive oil, and lemon juice. Add and little salt and pepper and toss to coat everything. Serve right away with a grilled cheese – shoveling all that green goodness into the sandwich.

This is after another hour of painting.

baking · biscuits · breakfast · brunch · comfort food · dinner · easy · eggs · mushrooms · vegetarian

Vegetarian Biscuits and Gravy

October 4, 2017October 4, 2017 KelseyLeave a comment

I’ve never been big on biscuits and gravy. It seems like a lot of carbs in one meal… not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not my thing most of the time. That being said, this weekend was cold and rainy. It seemed like the perfect time to start baking and carb loading, so that’s exactly what I did. I also wasn’t feeling the greatest, so it felt good to bake and lounge.

Last summer I was having a hard time with my anxiety. While most people with anxiety feel safest at home… my home was triggering a lot of it for me. This made it hard to be home alone, which was frustrating because I was newly divorced and living alone. Being the amazing human that she is, Hannah offered to let me stay at her place whenever I was feeling overwhelmed. This happened a good handful of times. Her husband was supportive of this, and would often cook us breakfast in the mornings. He makes bomb biscuits and gravy, which was something I didn’t even think I liked. I remember one instance when I spent the night on a Friday. Hannah had to work in the morning, but I slept in. Her husband made me breakfast anyway. Some people might think that is weird… but fuck those people. I needed to get out of my apartment, and they welcomed me into their home. Not only that, but they treated me like family.

I’m really lucky to have so many good humans in my life.

This version isn’t the same recipe Hannah’s husband uses, but it’s still pretty great. While I’m still learning how to bake biscuits that are light and fluffy, I fucking killed it on this gravy. I’ve been a little mushroom’d out since making that mushroom barley soup a few weeks ago, so I didn’t add as many mushrooms to this as I normally would. Instead, I opted for some veggie sausage. You could easily add more mushrooms and omit the sausage. Or you could omit the mushrooms and add more sausage. This can easily be made vegan (see substitutions in the recipe), or you could add meat. I love when one recipe can be adjusted without much fuss.

Vegetarian Biscuits and Gravy

For the biscuits:

3 cups flour

1 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 tablespoon sugar

6 tablespoons butter, cold and cubed (or shortening)

1 cup buttermilk (or milk/nut milk)

For the gravy:

1/4 cup butter (or oil)

1/2 cup onion, chopped or diced

2 veggie “sausage” patties, chopped

A handful of mushrooms, chopped

2 1/2 cups almond milk

4 1/2 tablespoons corn starch

1/2 cup veggie stock

1/4 teaspoon thyme

Salt and pepper to taste

For the biscuits:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Mix together all of the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Cut in the cold, cubed butter either with a pastry blender or your hands. I chose hands because I’m not fancy. This just means squishing the butter into the dry ingredients until it is crumbly. There will still be some small chunks of butter remaining. Add the liquid all at once and stir it in quickly (but gently) for about 20 seconds. This didn’t work as well for me, and I ended up needing to add more buttermilk. The dough should be soft… mine was dry/flaky. I did the best I could. Once your dough is ready and the right consistency… scoop it onto a baking sheet. This will make about 12 biscuits. I just used my hands to make medium sized balls of dough. The more I read about making biscuits, the more I think that is a bad idea. I guess they don’t like to be touched that much, and it can cause them to be hard (like mine). Sigh. It’s a learning process for everyone involved. Let me know how you handle it, and how they turn out. Mine were still good, but could have been softer/fluffier. Bake your biscuits for about 15 minutes, until they are lightly golden brown.

For the gravy:

Melt butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Throw in the onions and saute until they begin to soften (3-4 minutes). Add in mushrooms and cook another few minutes, until soft. Add in the veggie sausage. While the veggies are cooking, place the cornstarch into a small bowl with a little bit of the milk. Whisk together until it becomes a smooth paste, then slowly whisk in the rest of the milk. Once the veggies are cooked, pour in about 1/3 of the milk mixture and stir until it begins to thicken. Slowly stir in the rest of the milk mixture, mixing well. Pour in the broth and seasonings and continue to stir until everything thickens. Gravy will be thick and bubbly. Taste and adjust seasonings as needed.

I like to serve it over a biscuit that’s been cut in half, and then top it with a fried egg. You could totally eat this without an egg, you could add veggies, you could pour it over potatoes instead of a biscuit (Fuck. I’m definitely gonna do that). Whateverthefuckyouwant.

It is an excellent breakfast for dinner situation, too.

Nom nom nom