I feel like I might be coming out of my fog. It feels good… better than good–fucking fantastic. The Yoga Teacher Training is on hiatus for right now, which means I’ve been able to get back to my physical practice. It feels so good to be able to actually practice yoga regularly again, rather that just learn about it and practice teaching (which is also awesome, just not the same). I think one of the best parts of going through this process was getting to know this amazing group of women. I was so lucky to learn along side so many beautiful and insightful people. Everyone was just endlessly supportive and encouraging. It sounds cheesy… but this has really been the best decision I have ever made for myself. It has been so fucking difficult and draining… but I really think that just means it’s worth it.
It’s so fucking worth it.
It’s really been a lesson about self-care, too. Juggling all the training and practice, along with work and socializing, meant giving up my quality alone time. Considering my anxiety level, that was okay with me at the time. Being alone was scary, and just meant I would focus on the anxiety. Being constantly on the go was a wonderful distraction. That being said… I think it’s important to take time for myself, even if that means I end up having to feel all my feelings. Feelings fucking suck. But then I’m reminded of what Cortney says… “Feelings mean you’re human. And human is good.”
So I’ve learned to be comfortable with myself again, after spending that last several months running from myself. And I’ve learned to feel my feelings (some days are more successful than others). It really is a constant battle, though. I challenge you all to designate at least a few hours each week (a whole day would be ideal) to spending quality time alone. The more you try to run from it, the more you need it.
I have been spending some of my alone time cooking again. It feels so good to be in the kitchen, not using a microwave. I made fried potatoes this weekend, and, fuck, I forgot how good they can be. Why do I always neglect my potatoes until they’re almost (or sometimes all the way) rotten, when I could be making delicious fried potatoes every fucking day? Honestly, sometimes I question my intelligence.
I feel like every time I tell someone I had fried potatoes with my breakfast, they “Ooooo” and “Ahhhh” like I did something magical. Okay, people… they’re just potatoes. I mean, really. It’s so easy to make them – you can even do it on a workday. Why the fuck not? Or, you can be really smart, and make enough on Sunday to just reheat a portion every day throughout the week (I don’t have the foresight to do this). People also often comment about how that’s too much food for a weekday morning, or that they can’t have that many calories/carbs/fat, or whatever else nonsense they’ve told themselves. Listen – I cook 1 potato with onions and peppers in some coconut oil… then I eat about half of that with an egg on top. Don’t fucking tell me that’s too much food. I’m so fucking sick of everyone feeling the need to comment on what others eat. Can we all just stop punishing ourselves and each other for consuming food (which is vital to our existence)?
1 potato (red/yellow/russet/whatevs), cubed
1/4 onion, chopped
1/4 to 1/2 green bell pepper, chopped
Coconut oil (2ish tablespoons)
Salt and pepper
Heat coconut oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add cubed potato, plus salt and pepper. Reduce heat slightly, and cover skillet with a large lid for a couple minutes. Uncover skillet, being very careful of splattering oil! If you also don’t wear pants in the kitchen, I recommend an apron for this part to avoid burning your thighs/belly (I also wasn’t wearing a shirt, and was terrified – apparently cooking in my underwear is becoming a regular thing). If you’re not careful, the condensation on the bottom of the lid will drip into the skillet, causing the oil to freak the fuck out. To avoid this, I turn off the heat and wait a few minutes before removing the lid. Don’t judge me. Turn the potatoes over to brown the other side, and add the onion and pepper, plus more salt and pepper. Fry over medium heat for a few minutes, covering with a lid for a few minutes to speed up the cooking process. Stir occasionally and make sure that things are browning evenly. Uncover for the last several minutes to ensure some extra crispiness.
When they’re done (or almost done), fry an egg over easy. Scoop some potatoes onto a plate, and top with said egg. Try not to poke a hole in the bottom of your egg, causing it to look weird and sunken in the middle. But even if that happens, don’t worry… it’ll still be fucking awesome. Pretend you’re having brunch on a Monday morning by yourself, and serve yourself a virgin mimosa (it’s orange juice mixed with disappointment).