Pinto Bean Burgers

It all started with a craving for a cheeseburger. There is no meat in my apartment because I’m practicing cooking without it, plus I’m on a budget. Meat is expensive. Beans are cheap as shit.

My burger craving was getting out of hand, I was running out of food at home, and was very worried I would snap and end up at McDonalds. Fuck. Nobody wants that. So I improvised with a pinto bean burger recipe I found on Pinterest, which I modified with the ingredients I had on hand. Inadvertently, I picked a vegan recipe. How this happened, I will never know. But it was serendipitous! My one vegan friend says he’ll read my blog if I post more vegan recipes. I can’t promise this will be a regular thing (unless I run out of food again), but here you go!

Obviously, I added cheese. I mean, come on. (If you’re vegan, don’t do this. Duh.) These veggie burgers are fucking delicious. I fully expected them to taste like shit. Vegan burgers everywhere: I’m sorry I doubted you. If given the proper care, you can be just as delicious as a real burger.

I told my mom that I would make these for her because they were so amazing, and her response was, “No, you’re not. I won’t eat that.”

Don’t be like my mom.

Also, I remade those salted chocolate chip cookies, without Hannah, and they were literally the best cookies I’d ever made in my life. Go make them immediately. You won’t be sorry.

Pinto Bean Burgers

1/2 cup dry pinto beans, cooked and mashed (or 1 1/2 cups canned beans)

1/2 large onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 tablespoon soy sauce

1 tablespoon ketchup

1 tablespoon dijon mustard

3/4 cup oats, pulsed in the blender a few times

Salt and pepper

In a greased skillet, saute the onions and garlic, plus a little salt and pepper, until slightly browned (start with the onions first, and add the garlic once they are slightly translucent). Toss onion mixture into a large bowl, and add all other ingredients together. Sprinkle in some more salt and pepper, and mix well. Form patties with the mixture (makes 4 large burgers). Heat olive oil in a large skillet on the stove over medium heat, and fry the burgers for 3-4 minutes on each side. If you want to be fancy, you can serve these on hamburger buns. Or you can be like me, and use the perfectly good bread you already have lying around. Add whatever toppings you like! I chose mozzarella, fried onions, spinach, tomato, mayo, and ketchup.

Shove the whole thing in your face at once. Don’t choke.