PB & J (Cookie) Sammies

August 20, 2019August 20, 2019 KelseyLeave a comment

I had a to-do list today. It consisted of the following items:

Acupuncture for my tennis elbow (ouch)
Hang out with Carrie
Grab a delicious pastry
Buy a frame at Michael’s
Get liability insurance for the winter farmer’s market
Apply for winter farmer’s market
Write a blog post

The first 4 were done easily. I even went so far as to nap during my acupuncture appointment, so I feel as though I was being extra efficient. Then I went online to purchase liability insurance. I wanted to get signed up for my market of choice as soon as fucking possible, as I’m constantly worried that the spots are filling up (they are). I also need to sign up ASAFP because I really want a Sunday spot. If I don’t get a Sunday spot, I’m going to have to arrange things at work to make Saturdays work, and that’s a whole fucking thing. I am not alone in my desire for a Sunday spot, so I need to get my shit together now. As I’m filling out the forms, it asks for my business name. Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

I’m currently registered under Kelsey’s Cakes, the rated G named I chose after the church-run farmer’s market wouldn’t let me use Eat Me Bakery (but it was totally cool for a whiskey bar to sponsor the market, of course). This means that I have to most likely re-register. This isn’t a problem, but it adds time, which I don’t have. So now I’m left sitting and waiting to hear back from someone that might be able to help me out at the Minnesota Department of Agriculture. Bureaucracy.

Those items will not be crossed off my to-do list today. Sigh.

Hannah had a baby. That baby is Mira, and she is over a year old already. Here she is devouring a PB & J Sammie with reckless abandon. I wish this photo had sound, as she was making adorable little suckling noises… no doubt to make sure she got every last drop of jam. A girl after my own heart.

Anyway, I had my very last market day last Saturday. I mean, not my very last EVER, but my very last for this season. I ended up making these delightful little sandwich cookies on a whim the night before. I knew I wanted to do something with peanut butter and jelly, as they are my favorite flavor combo. No one really uses these flavors much, likely because so many kids are allergic to peanuts now. Outside of that concern, I’m not sure why this classic duo is so often overlooked. I mean, even I only have one recipe that contains these flavors. What am I even doing with my life? Oh fuck, I guess I also made a mug cake recently, didn’t I? Shit. I totally forgot. I guess I’m finally getting my shit together. Get ready for all things peanut butter and jelly! Pro tip: Add PB & J to your vanilla ice cream. You’re welcome.

PB & J (Cookie) Sammies (original recipe found here)

For the cookies:

1/2 cup butter, softened

1/2 cup peanut butter (I used creamy Jif)

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup dark brown sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup instant oats

3/4 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

For the filling:

1/3 cup peanut butter

1/3 cup jam of choice (I used homemade raspberry)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line your baking sheets with parchment paper or a silpat mat and set aside. Cream together butter, peanut butter, and both sugars. Add in egg and vanilla and mix well. In a separate bowl, mix flour, baking soda and powder, salt together. Slowly mix into the wet ingredients before finally hand stirring in the oats. Mix until just combined. I used a food scale to get my cookies all the same size. If you’re doing this, I recommend 11g per cookie. If not, about a tablespoon of dough per cookie. I was able to fit about 15 cookies per baking sheet. Once you have all of them lined up on the cookie sheets, use a fork to press them down in a criss-cross pattern. Bake for about 10 minutes. Once fully cooled, add the peanut butter and jam and sandwich the cookies together. To avoid a soggy cookie, make sure to do a very thin layer of peanut butter on the jam side. Shovel them all into your face, without sharing a single one.

Makes about 24 sandwich cookies.

DO THIS.

cake · dessert · easy · Fruit · gluten free · jam · peanut butter · quick · vegetarian · Yummy

PB & J Mug Cake

March 26, 2019 Kelsey2 Comments

I am having a lot of life changes lately. Lots of good things, but it’s A LOT. One of those exciting things is a booth at my local farmer’s market! I decided to inquire about selling baked goods at a tiny farmer’s market 2 blocks from my apartment. I didn’t want to start with one of the big ones, as that felt really fucking overwhelming. Plus, I wasn’t sure they’d accept me being so new to the scene. So I chose the perfect, supportive little church-run market. Of course, I didn’t know I’d choose one that was run by a church when I decided on the name of my booth. I purchased the name Eat Me Bakery, LLC in January thinking it was cheeky and fun (I mean, it is).

Bourdain is helping.

When I got a call back from the person in charge of the farmer’s market last week, he was extremely encouraging in almost every aspect. Once we were winding down the conversation, and it was looking promising that I was going to be accepted, he said he had to discuss something kind of uncomfortable. He prefaced by saying that he was not the only one with concerns, and proceeded to ask if my name was “set in stone.” I was hoping my name would slide by unnoticed, since it could also be considered an Alice in Wonderland reference, but I wasn’t fooling anyone. I’m also a terrible liar, so there was no way I was going to try to convince him that it was anything other than the crude phrase that it clearly was. So I’m looking for a new name! Something rated G, but nothing too sweet. And I’ll hold onto Eat Me Bakery, since it’s still a fucking great idea. It just needs a different venue, and that’s okay. The organizer of the farmer’s market was a great sport about the whole thing, assuring me that he understood the name was just meant to be playful, but that it also wasn’t appropriate for this setting. That’s completely fair.

Something I’d like to sell at my booth is peanut butter and jelly sandwich cookies. I haven’t had time to play with the recipe yet, so I did something quick today with those same flavors. Peanut butter and jelly is my favorite flavor combination. I am baffled by the lack of options outside of an elementary school cafeteria. I mean, why aren’t there cookies and donuts and muffins full of these flavors??? And they could be done in SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. The mind reels. So many missed opportunities. I was fucking psyched when I discovered this mug cake recipe on Food52’s website. I needed something simple and sweet today to counter all the salty as fuck meat my body has been craving for the last 24 hours. Yes, I gave into the meat for 2 meals. I’m mostly a vegetarian, but I do have my moments. Not that I need to justify myself to anyone, because I fucking don’t (I’m talking to you, Hannah). This little mug cake was the perfect fix. It’s gooey and rich, with light sweetness from the jelly. I used triple berry jam made locally, but any cheap grape jelly would work perfectly well. Pick your favorite flavor, and go nuts (ha!).

This cake is unintentionally gluten-free, too!

PB & J Mug Cake

4 tablespoons peanut butter

1 tablespoon dark brown sugar

1 egg

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

A pinch of salt

2 tablespoons jelly/jam (any flavor)

I used a small bowl to mix everything, so I had enough room to make sure all the ingredients were incorporated well. You could opt to mix everything in the mug/jar as well. Start by mixing everything except the jelly. Stir/whisk until smooth. Add a tablespoon of jelly and swirl into the batter (without fully incorporating). My jelly was actually jam, and quite thick. I ended up kind of cutting it into the batter, so little chunks of jam remained. That way you get little pockets of jam, which is fucking delightful. Pour everything into a mug or 1/2 pint mason jar. Add another tablespoon of jam on top, pressed lightly right into the top of the batter. Microwave for 50-60 seconds. Sift a little powdered sugar on top if you’re feelin’ fancy. Let cool for a couple of minutes. Then SHOVEL INTO YOUR FACE.

comfort food · dinner · easy · jam · lunch · peanut butter · quick · Sandwiches · snacks · vegan · vegetarian

PB & J + Potato Chips

June 2, 2016June 2, 2016 Kelsey4 Comments

I went swimsuit shopping today. I walked in there with all this confidence… and was immediately put in my place. First of all, why is it so fucking difficult to get something in my size that isn’t fucking disgusting? I’m tired of hiding under skirts and extra layers to hide my thighs and hold my belly in. It’s exhausting. I just want to wear a swimsuit that is comfortable, and cute. Is that so much to fucking ask?

First, I tried a little online shopping at Aerie. They are my go to source for the best underwear, and they refuse to photoshop their models. Plus! They just signed a plus size model to model their standard size clothing. This is a big deal, guys. Anyway, I thought for sure I’d find something on their website.

I am a naive person. Or maybe just a little dumb. Maybe both. Who knows?

Those fuckers didn’t even have my size at all. Apparently, my boobs are too big to be contained by Aerie.

So I went to Target today. I buy lots of clothing at Target, and can always shop their standard size section (I’m one of those people that can shop in both plus size and standard size… usually). So I walk in, and am overwhelmed by all the options right inside the front door. There are stripes and polka dots, bikinis with cute bows and ruffles, one pieces with these cool sheer stripes, all covering 2 huge walls, plus several racks in the middle of the floor. I went digging, highly optimistic.

Sigh. I’m just so naive.

NOTHING FUCKING FIT.

You want to know how many options they had in their plus size section? There was one rack, and everything on it was a variation of the same black, skirted, one piece. God forbid someone see my upper thighs!

Swimsuit skirts can fuck off. I don’t need to hide behind you anymore!

I like to think I’m bold enough to wear a bikini, and just tell everyone to fuck right off. Clearly, the clothing industry has other ideas.

Fuck you, society. Stop body shaming me.

Also, put some fucking underwire in those swimsuits! WTF?

PB & J + Potato Chips

2 pieces of white bread

Jam of choice (I chose my fancy homemade plum jam, but you do you)

Peanut butter

Potato chips

Assemble sandwich in obvious manner. Then smoosh the sandwich a little bit to crush the chips a bit. Shove in your mouth with extra potato chips.

I think this is the best thing that’s ever happened to my mouth.

breakfast · easy · Fruit · gluten free · healthy · peanut butter · quick · Smoothie · snacks · vegan · Yummy

Eva’s Peanut Butter Banana Smoothie

May 20, 2016May 20, 2016 KelseyLeave a comment

I’m constantly trying to be healthier. This is contradicted by my excessive cookie and donut consumption (not to mention my drinking), but I do the best I can (no I don’t).

I have developed this habit of eating snacks instead of meals lately. I don’t know how this happened… I’ve never been the type of person to substitute a snack for a meal. I mean, more food versus less food? More food always wins. The other night I literally ate a handful of tortilla chips before collapsing into bed. Since when does 150 calories of chips count as a meal to me? It’s all very confusing.

Today for lunch, I ate half of a veggie wrap. HALF. I’ve never eaten half of anything. Except a pizza. I always eat half a pizza.

This may not surprise anyone, but I’m a recovering binge eater. I didn’t have the words to describe what I was doing until about a year ago, but I’ve known that I “emotional eat” occasionally (or, when I was in college, a LOT). It’s been mostly under control for the last few years, but I still indulge a lot (which is not the same as a full on binge). This eating half of something, and saving the rest for later is completely new. I’ve done that on occasion, but not without it being a real struggle for me. Lately, I’ve actually been recognizing when I’m full, and then (gasp) not eating any more.

When did I become such a balanced human being?

I’m wondering if it has to do with all the yoga, and being more aware and accepting of my body. This is why I’m so adamant about loving your body, and encouraging others to love their bodies. There’s no one way to look. We’re all different, and there is nothing wrong with that. Shaming each other only creates anxiety and eating disorders. No one really wants to cause that for someone else, right? Unless you’re a real asshole. In which case, go fuck yourself. I’m not listening to you.

I also used to obsessively count calories, which I realize contradicts a binge eating disorder, but is true nonetheless. One of my go-to foods during the calorie counting phase (do “phases” last for years?!) was this banana peanut butter smoothie. My friend (and former cafe coworker), Eva, made it for me. Her original recipe is a bit simpler, but this is still a very quick “meal,” and I’ve added some more nutritional value (back then I was only worried about it being the least amount of calories possible). I no longer pay attention to caloric intake, but choose to eat whatever I want in moderation. And I always try to add extra nutrients to my food via chia seeds, flax seed, nuts, an added veggie, etc.

Also, sometimes I want mac and cheese for dinner… and that means I get to have it. Anyone who says otherwise can fuck off.

Eva’s Peanut Butter Banana Smoothie

1 banana (or two, for added creaminess)

6ish large ice cubes

1/2 cup almond milk

1 large spoonful of peanut butter (This is something I used to measure obsessively – don’t do that! Just throw in a big spoonful and be happy!)

1 tablespoon flax seed meal

1 tablespoon chia seeds

Throw it all in a blender, and blend until smooth. Sometimes I add berries. Sometimes I omit the peanut butter and add a lot of berries, and some OJ. Do what you want.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not awesome just the way you are.

baking · cake · Cheesecake · chocolate · comfort food · dessert · peanut butter · Yummy

Butterfinger Cheesecake

December 27, 2015December 27, 2015 Kelsey2 Comments

I am exhausted.

I went to the grocery store the other day, and had all this baking shit to buy. The shopping basket was overflowing. I got half way through my shopping, and decided I couldn’t carrying anything else, so I went home. Does that ever happen to you? Like, I just no longer had the energy to even carry my groceries.

I’ve been meaning to post this recipe for weeks, but then I thought I’d wait, because all I’ve been posting is sweets. I promise that’s not all I’m eating – but it’s the holidays! Baking is mandatory. The other cookie and cake recipes will be shelved for the time being – this is my last dessert recipe for awhile.

So. Butterfinger cheesecake came about for a coworker’s birthday at the beginning of the month. She requested cheesecake. When I asked what kind, she thought about it for a moment, then shouted, “Butterfinger!” as if it was the best idea she’d ever had.

My cheesecakes are always baked in a pie pan. Why? Because I’m not fancy enough for a spring form pan. Fuck that shit. I wouldn’t even know how to use it. Pie shaped cheesecake is just as good. Don’t judge me.

Butterfinger Cheesecake

For the crust:

1 1/2 cups chocolate graham cookies (I used Simply Amy Bunny Grahams)

1/3 cup sugar

1/8 teaspoon salt

3 tablespoons butter, melted

2 tablespoons peanut butter, melted

Whisk melted butter and peanut butter together. Mix all ingredients together, and press into the bottom and up the sides of a pie pan. Fill immediately, or refrigerate to use later.

For the filling:

2 (8oz) packages of cream cheese, softened (please don’t use a low fat variety – that’s gross)

3 eggs

2/3 cup sugar

A splash of vanilla

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Beat cream cheese in a mixer, until light and fluffy. Then add eggs, one at a time, vanilla, and sugar. Mix well, until everything is fully incorporated. Pour into prepared crust. Bake for 40 minutes. The center should still be slightly jiggly, with edges slightly browned. Let cool before adding the topping.

For the topping:

1 1/2 cups Butterfinger bars, chopped

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

1/2 cup heavy cream

Sprinkle the candy over the cake in an even layer. In a small sauce pan, bring cream to a boil, and immediately remove from heat. Place chocolate chips in a small bowl, and pour in the hot cream. Let sit for 2 minutes. Stir together until chocolate is fully melted. Drizzle over the top (or glob, in my case). Refrigerate until ready to serve. If you’re lucky, you have leftover candy that you get to eat in private. Maybe top it off with a salad, because, you know, balance.