I’m frustrated. There are these 2 guys I’m dating… I guess… I mean, if you can call it that. One hasn’t been available in a few weeks (though he checks in via text fairly regularly), and the other is just kind of a mess. I can openly write about this because neither of them have expressed any interest in wanting to read my blog… which is another red flag. I mean, if you’re really into someone, and that someone has a blog, wouldn’t you want to read it? I’d be really weird about it, and probably binge read it all in one night… I mean, if I’m into them. I can be a little intense sometimes. But here’s the thing… if I like someone… they’re going to know it. I don’t fuck around with games. I might skirt around it a little bit at first, trying to see if they like me back… but ultimately I’m not good at hiding my feelings. If I like you, I will act like an idiot around you and/or flat out tell you.
The problem with online dating (in my very limited experience)… and maybe dating in general (?)… is that guys don’t seem to like it when I am upfront with them. Like, the other day I texted one of the guys I’m seeing, after a week of trying to get together and it not working out. He seemed unable to commit to a time/place for another date, but was clearly into me enough to be texting a lot and trying to plan things (that wouldn’t end up working out due to various scheduling conflicts). The whole thing was annoying as fuck, so I finally texted him that this was starting to feel like a game. He immediately got defensive. Listen, dude… I’m not trying to be a dick here. But the fact of the matter is… I’m allowed to have fucking feelings about this, and I feel like you’re stringing me along. I told him flat out, “You either like me, or you don’t. Either way is fine, but I need actual communication, and to not feel like a back-up plan.” Once I explained that I wasn’t attacking him, and then explained the specific things that were making me feel the way I was feeling, he was actually really receptive. But before that? He was like, “Good luck finding what you’re looking for!” WTF. Why is that the immediate response when someone has emotions? Especially when a woman has emotions. I was even shaming myself for being assertive with him. As I was texting him, it was tempting to just stop and say, “Just kidding. Nevermind. Everything is fine.” Society has told me my whole life that my feelings aren’t valid. I can’t tell you how many times someone told me to calm down, or thought I was too intense or too emotional. We’re all human, and humans are complex. We’re allowed to feel things, and we’re allowed to express that, especially to those that might be causing some of the feelings. I had every right to tell him how his actions were making me feel, but it was hard to stick to that. I felt like I was coming across as aggressive, and also needy (two things I hate). It wasn’t that I wanted him to scrap all his plans to hang out with me right that moment… but I needed to feel like he wanted to spend time with me at some point. He was trying to “be spontaneous,” but that wasn’t working. By not actively planning a set day/time to go out with me, he made me feel like a back-up plan. Regardless of how he meant it, my feelings around that are valid.
In my ideal world, every single person would communicate openly. I know that’s a vulnerable thing to do… and no one likes to feel vulnerable… but that’s when the best human connection happens. So stop pretending you’re a robot! And try to not get defensive when someone tells you how you make them feel.
Be human. Have feelings. Make them known.
Unrelated: I made these for my sister because my love language is “acts of service,” which for me just means that I show love by cooking/cleaning/caring for someone… that is also why this recipe contains meat.
Makes 12 servings
1/2 cup broccoli, chopped
1 cup spinach, chopped
3 turkey sausage patties, precooked and chopped into small cubes
1/3 cup cheddar cheese, shredded
Salt and pepper
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Whisk eggs in a medium bowl, set aside. In a large skillet, saute broccoli in a drizzle of olive oil over medium-high heat, seasoning with salt and pepper. Cook until broccoli softens and browns a little bit (3-5 minutes). Once done, add spinach to the skillet. Add a little more salt and pepper, and stir continuously until spinach wilts (1-2 minutes). Let cool slightly. Mix veggies and cheddar cheese with the whisked eggs. Spoon into a well grease muffin tin, leaving about half an inch of space on top. Add 2-4 cubes of sausage to each muffin. Bake for 30 minutes.
You might end up with a little leftover in the bowl. This is perfect, and exactly why you chose to add the meat in separately. Scramble that shit and top it with some cheese. You deserve a snack!
Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel.