First, I would like to mention that my last post worked. Cortney will be here in September!!! Yayyyy!!
Anyway, today’s blog post is about dating. I’m recently single, and am terrified by the thought of dating. I have this fear that I’m going to end up having to make one of those online dating profiles (not that there’s anything wrong with that, if that’s your thing). Then I’ll have to scan through other profiles, and decide which one is the “best,” only to end up being rejected, or going on a horribly awkward date with that person. Then that person will end up being a sociopath. Or a closet Trump supporter. But first, I’ll have to flirt via email/text message, right? Because God forbid we just schedule a date right away, and have interactions in person. And then we have to play that game of not texting back right away, otherwise you’ll be seen as too desperate. Fuck that shit. I’ll text whoever I want, whenever I want. And I will not play that fucking game of “I don’t really like you.” That’s bullshit. Next time I want to date someone, I’m just going to fucking tell them. If they don’t like me, who the fuck cares? At least they’ll be flattered, and then I’ll move on. We’re all adults here. I mean, sort of.
What if I just want to meet someone organically? And maybe we could be friends first? Is that even done?! I’ve never been friends first. It sounds nice, though, doesn’t it? Like something out of an unrealistic romantic comedy. Those fucking movies have set me up for disappointment and disaster for most of my life. Fuckers.
Ugh, and then when I do finally go on a date with someone, I always feel that need to be the best version of myself. It’s not real at all. It’s horrible and fake, and then they don’t even know who they’re really dating. I’m practicing being as authentic as possible in my regular, every day life – especially with new friends. I need to avoid trying to pretend that I’m somehow cooler, or funnier, or less uptight than I really am. I’ll be as uptight as I fucking want to be. And I will no longer laugh off something that offends me! Does this happen to anyone else? You desperately want someone to like you, but then they say something that might be a little sexiest, or offensive somehow. And you’re like, “WTF? But I better pretend to think it’s funny, too, otherwise he won’t like me.” Okay, why do I want that douche bag to like me anyway? I don’t like him.
Luckily, I don’t want children, so I have no “ticking clock” situation. I think I’ll take my time, and I’ll start by actively not dating at all. I’ll just continue to have ridiculous crushes on people that will never be pursued, and will make me act like an idiot whenever I’m around them, or their name is mentioned. Don’t judge me.
Per usual, this has nothing to do with omelettes. Whatever. This omelette was fucking delicious, and healthy. I didn’t even add cheese. I know, who am I?
1 egg, scrambled
1/4 avocado, sliced thinly
2 tablespoons chopped onion
2 tablespoons chopped green pepper
1 tablespoon chopped green onion
A few dashes of the following spices: salt, pepper, cumin, chili powder, paprika
Grease a smallish pan with olive oil or spray, and saute the onions and peppers over medium-high heat with the spices, until cooked through. Then, in another smallish pan (also with olive oil or spray), add the scrambled egg with a little salt and pepper (it should coat the bottom of the pan). Scoop the onions and peppers onto one half of the omelette, and add the sliced avocado on top of that. Once the egg is just cooked through, fold it in half, covering the onions, peppers, and avocado. Serve with a scoop of salsa and some green onions.
Eat it by yourself, and be a hermit.