corn · easy · gluten free · potluck food · quick · sides · snacks · Vegetables · vegetarian · veggies

Mexican Corn Dip

You ever drink so much that you end up knee deep in mud?

No? Just me? Fantastic.

Apparently you’re supposed to pay attention to where you’re walking in the woods when coming upon a river. I mean, I thought I was paying attention. Clearly, that was false. My boss had to pull me out of the mud, breaking my flip flop in the process. Since those were the only shoes I brought with me for the weekend trip, I had to wear his shoes home.

I’m not good with moderation (or boundaries). I am, however, working on it.

Most companies host a tasteful party once a year, and maybe throw in a few team building exercises. At my work, we like to get hammered and wander through the woods together. It’s how we bond.

I was actually planning on not drinking much this year. But then I showed up to my boss’s house and immediately starting downing pineapple mojitos (thanks, Stacy!). Before I knew what was happening, I was sinking into mud, running around in the river, trying bear meat for the first time, voicing any little thought that crossed my mind, and being an all-around obnoxious drunk person. Suddenly it was early morning, and I was waking up to the sound of dogs walking around, the taste of death on my tongue, and a feeling of regret in the pit of my stomach. #storyofmylife

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But I did make this fucking scrumptious Mexican corn dip to share. I discovered the stuff at a dog’s birthday party the week before. Yes, a dog’s birthday party. He was turning 15 and spent the afternoon getting table scraps and eating ice cream straight out of the container (sounds like every single night I’ve spent white girl wasted). There were cupcakes with frosted swirls of poop on them. It was amazing. I got a little drunk there as well, and went to town on this corn dip that someone brought, after yelling at him for topping it with cilantro (I mean, how dare he? Didn’t he know I was the only one that mattered at this party?). Drunk Kelsey can be kind of a bitch.

After berating him for using cilantro, I also chimed in with, “Have you ever had Mexican style corn with the mayo and cheese? You know, they sell it on the street sometimes? This tastes just like that!” as if this was a revolutionary idea he couldn’t possibly understand. He responded with, “Yeah, that was the idea,” and proceeded to graciously give me the recipe. (He was actually really nice and patient with me.)

OMG, is this what it feels like to mansplain something? I’ve never been on the other end of it before.

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Mexican Corn Dip

4 cups corn kernels (fresh, frozen, or canned)

1 or 2 jalapenos, diced

3 tablespoons mayo

2 tablespoons shredded parmesan, plus extra to sprinkle on top

Juice from 1/2 lime

1/2 teaspoon chili powder

Olive oil

Salt and pepper

Drizzle some olive oil into a skillet and put it at medium-high heat. Throw in the corn and jalapenos. Cook for 8-10 minutes, stirring occasionally, until cooked threw and slightly browned. Pour the corn/jalapeno mixture into a mixing bowl with all the other ingredients. Scoop into a shallow serving dish and top with a little extra parmesan and chili powder. Serve with tortilla chips.

If you made it ahead of time and are just pulling it out of the fridge, bake it at 350 degree for 20 minutes, then top with cheese and chili powder before serving.

Side note: These pictures are shitty because I was drunk. *insert shrugging emoji*

comfort food · Dating · dinner · easy · quick · soup · vegetarian

Corn Chowder

I am finding it difficult to navigate my life in an authentic way, while not worrying that I’m coming across as high maintenance. I mentioned this a bit in the last post, too. Basically, I feel like by asking for what I want/need, I am then seen as high maintenance and/or needy. For example, I just had a text conversation with my landlord about the mice situation (ugh, I know!) in my apartment. He said the pest control company would be by today, and I immediately texted back stating that I don’t want any poison put down at all (I have a cat). It took him over an hour to get back to me (and pest control would be to my place soon), so I texted again, just asking him to get back to me before they arrive. He was super nice about it, but I found myself feeling insecure about voicing that concern. Why the fuck should I feel insecure about that?! Is being high maintenance not wanting your cat to die? Because if it is, then I guess I am! Whatever.

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Look at that burnt little carrot bit! WTF?

This keeps happening with my dating bullshit, too. I’m so sick of these guys. Honestly, the 2 of them combined aren’t giving me enough attention. Before you start… yes, I do know how that sounds. Super fucking high maintenance, right? Listen. I haven’t seen either of them in a few weeks–one of them has been over a month. Yet they both insist that they still want to see me. Trust me, I’ve flat out asked them. There is the standard response of being too busy, and once there was the very valid excuse of having strep throat. But then I’ll get a text at 11pm from one of them asking if I want to hang out. Okay, fucker, I know where this is going. And that’s fine once in awhile, but that will not be the basis of our relationship. I’ve told him that flat out, yet I still get intermittent responses from him, or sometimes no response at all. Wow. So I finally decided… we’re done. I need way more attention than this. It’s just not going to work out. I texted him that I hope he finds someone that is looking for this type of relationship, that I don’t fault him for being busy, but that it’s just not enough for me. He responded right away (which is interesting, since it can often be awhile before I hear back from him) that he understands, and that he wishes me luck, too. It seems very clear to me that he wasn’t that interested… so why string me along like that? I will never understand men. Just say what you want! Why am I required to guess? Especially when I’m so up front with what I want and need. Fuck this shit. Moving on.

Apparently I’m going to join Tinder next month. Fuck my life.

Moral of the story… always ask for what you want, try not to feel bad about it, and do it even if you do feel bad about it. I can pretty much guarantee that if I was a man I wouldn’t be having this internal conflict. Men are expected to ask for what they want. Women are expected to provide it. No one knows what to do when a woman asks for what she wants and deserves. Well, get ready world, because according to my friend, Hannah, we are starting a revolution of women who love themselves.

Women who love themselves know they deserve more.

Now then… let’s make some fucking chowder.

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Corn Chowder

2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons olive oil

1-2 carrots, shredded and chopped (instructions below)

1 red bell pepper, chopped

2 stalks celery, chopped

3 tablespoons flour

3 cups vegetable stock

1 1/2 cups milk

2 medium to large potatoes, peeled and chopped or sliced however you like

12 oz fresh or frozen corn

Green onion, chopped

Salt and pepper

For the carrots: Use a vegetable peeler to peel thick strips. Pile those strips on top of each other and chop into 1″ pieces. Or, chop the carrots however you want. Rachel Ray told me to do it this way, and I always believe her. You should, too.

Heat the butter and oil in a large pot. Add the carrots, celery, and bell pepper. Saute over medium-high heat for about 5 minutes (the recipe said 7 minutes, but my carrots started to burn!). Add the flour one tablespoon at a time, and stir vigorously while it cooks for a few minutes. Slowly add the stock, while continuing to stir, then add the milk and stir well. Throw in the potatoes and some salt and pepper. Let simmer for about 8 minutes, stirring often. Add the corn and simmer for an additional 8-10 minutes. To thicken the soup, scoop out about 1 cup and blend until smooth in a blender or food processor. Add the blended cup back into the pot and stir to combine. Garnish with green onion. Serve with crusty bread (duh).

Don’t drop anything on the floor, because apparently your cat is napping instead of chasing away mice. The curse of being a good cat mom… she wants for nothing. This is why I have 6 professional (and cat safe!) mouse traps in my home. Sigh.

 

 

 

dinner · lunch · snacks · vegan · vegetarian

Corn Fritters and the Minnesota State Fair

I’ve been too busy eating to bother with blogging. Last week was the Minnesota State Fair. Have you guys seen this shit? The food is out of control. Here is a small sampling of what was consumed…

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Clockwise: Fried apple pie with cinnamon ice cream, blueberry basil lemonade, totchos, and a mac n’ cheese cupcake

I’m not sorry about any of it.

But now I’m back, and I am desperate to eat some of the mounds of veggies taking up my refrigerator. I honestly cannot control myself at the farmers’ market – I just buy everything. So I had a dozen cobs of corn sitting in my fridge, and I thought I’d get creative with it. Corn fritters! Sounds easy enough, right? It took all of 1 minute to mix all the ingredients in a bowl. Then it was just a matter of pan frying it into patties. No big deal.

Problem.

I don’t wear pants in the kitchen.

20150909_082713I dropped 3 scoops of batter into the pan, and was totally unprepared for the amount of jumping oil, and corn kernels exploding into the air. I immediately jumped to the other side of the refrigerator to protect my skin. I obviously couldn’t leave those corn bombs on my stove, over medium-high heat. But I couldn’t go back to it without some protection. I decided to suit up, putting on my largest hooded sweatshirt, and a pair of sweatpants. With the hood up, and my hands mostly covered, I ran back to the stove to turn off the heat – then hid behind the fridge until things calmed down. One side was cooked. Time to flip. I repeated all of the above after flipping the fritters over.

The rest of the batter went into the fridge. Fuck this. I’m not going to burn my face off for a blog. (The picture is blurry, because I was terrified.)

Those fritters were fucking delicious, though. I might experiment with cooking the rest in the oven.

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1/3 cup yellow cornmeal

1/4 cup flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

Handful of parsley (I used dry, but do what you want)

1/3 cup almond milk (or regular, whatever)

2 cups corn

Coconut oil

In a large bowl, mix together cornmeal, flour, baking powder, salt, pepper, and parsley. Add milk and mix until thick. Add corn and mix well. Heat some coconut oil in a large skillet, over medium-high heat. Place scoops of batter into the pan, and flatten slightly. Then take cover! Or be a grown-up and handle it.

Each side needs 3-5 minutes.

Don’t burn your face off.